Toxic mothers.

[emmapatricia123]

really don't know how to deal with her any more.
every time I see her she has to make a nasty dig or tell me to be quiet if I contribute to a conversation. she's completely ostracised me from the rest of the family by saying that we fell out which we haven't yet.
She only cares about her sisters, we don't get invited to anything.
im disabled and she doesn't introduce me to people as emma just this is my disabled daughter as though I'm beneath the conversation.
I'm 45 with a 15 and 18 year old who she treats the same way she's never babysat or come to sports days or school plays.
she's now started telling me I'm fat and have nits in front of the children even though the drs know I'm fat from thyroid problems and being on steroids. what do I say to her? I don't have nits either she's just obsessed with them for some reason.
shes also jealous that dh now has a really good job and keeps saying that I should be out working even though I have 13 medical conditions and keeps making digs about people who claim dla being lazy I passed the atos medical sure there more qualified than her lol.

can you not just avoid seeing her then? Does she add anything positive to your life?

she tends to just turn up cos her sister lives round the corner, like she did the other night.

Do not let her into your home and if you can go no contact with her I would do so. She is not bringing anything at all positive into your life or that of your own family.

It is NOT your fault your mother is like this, you did not make her that way.

I would also suggest you post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread as this could help you too.

She sounds horrible. Agree with Attila - don't let her in, and if she has a key, change the locks. No-one would blame you for going No Contact - you've enough to cope with without that sort of nasty stuff.

Don't let her in :)

Absolutely don't let her in!

She adds nothing positive to your life in fact just the opposite. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your kids, stand up for them - they deserve better than someone putting them and their parents down in a deliberate nasty way.

I would suggest writing her a letter saying what's she's doing that is so disrespectful and puts you down so much, what you would like her to do instead and how you would like to be treated. Make it practical ie: no comments about nits, (dear god), no telling you to shut up etc.

Then, if you get a nasty response (which is quite possible since she tells lies by saying you've fallen out with other family members) simply stop responding to her. Don't contact her and if she comes to the door, simply say 'I'd like to have a good relationship with you, but that now is up to you. When you're willing to have that, please come round".

And then shut the door. (Consider putting a chain on it).

I would also get in touch with the people she'd engineered fall-outs with and explain the situatoin.

You - will - get tantrums and screaming most likely. You need to talk this over with your husband and work out how she is likely to respond, and how you will handle it. Maybe even yoru children too. They have to be hurting, seeing how you are talked to by her.

This is absolutely not ok way for her to deal with her daughter. You deserve a great deal better, sadly she's not giving it to you so you will have to lean on your husband and stand up for yoruself and enforce respectful treatment.

I would write a letter to your mother - and then not send it, destroy it instead. People like your mother know what they are doing and asking them to stop just fans their flames of hate even more. Letters are often used by damaged people like your mother as ammunition against the sender which leaves you open to receiving more abuse.