What would you do. Stay or go

[tiredoldmum]

I've been living here in this country for a few years now. I have no family here other than my husband.

Back home, my mum is sick and slowly going downhill. I haven't seen my kids or grands in almost 3 years and I miss them so much. My granddaughter is 2 now and I have only seen her about one day or her life.

I haven't been too homesick while living here but I really am now. I am just feeling so lonely and miss my family.

I haven't been able to go back as I have been sick and unemployed so couldn't afford to go.

I'm going to start looking for work but a bit afraid as I have been off for so long.

I said something to my husband about moving there and he said no because we have pets and it would be too expensive to take them. Umm no offence but feck the pets!

I'm thinking I really want to go back for a while anyway. I could get some work hopefully and save up and go back maybe April or May.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I left and went back to the UK. I had to leave my dog behind and it broke my heart but was the right thing to do. She had a much nicer life there anyway.

Life is too short to languish and miss loved ones. For the second time in 5 years I will almost definitely be returning after having gone away.

If you could go for a visit and see if you really do want to return permanently that would be even better.

I think you need to see your family. Your mum is sick and you are missing your children. That's more than good enough a reason.

Right now you don't have to decide whether it's a holiday or a permanent relocation, but you need to go. While you are there, you can see if the feelings are intensified or are improved for being there and move towards a clearer decision. If you decide to investigate moving back you can make enquiries about accommodation and work.

Is your DH an expat or a native to the country you're currently in? Ultimately you may be faced with a DH v family situation if you want to move and he doesn't. How does that make you feel?

Your DH has every right to want to stay where you are. Presumably it's a choice you made together. However, if he loves you he will understand your need to go back for a visit and be supportive of that, even if he doesn't want to relocate permanently.

Moving pets IS expensive, but if you want to do it you will find a way or rehome them.

One step at a time, but if it were me I'd be booking a flight.

Thank you. I wish I had enough money to book a flight.

I look at it also that my husband has no job, career, or family here either. I gave up everything to move here for him and had to completely start over.

I'd go if I were you. I do know how you feel, I live in another country to that which I was born in and there is a big family thing going on 3500 miles from here today and I can't be there...it really does get you sometimes. And I've been here for 41 years.

You can't afford to go because you haven't been working? And therefore not seen your own kids for THREE years? (Bit confused on that as you've seen a 2yo grandchild)

Why hasn't your husband paid for your flights home in all that time?

If as a couple you simply couldn't afford it, that's sad but fair enough. But if you can and he has refused, I'd be coming back to the UK leaving him behind for good.

Why is this a permanent decision now? Why aren't you coming home for a holiday to see how you feel?

Can family in the UK help towards a flight home for you?
I don't want to be upsetting, but if your mother is a great grandmother, I'm guessing she's quite old? So important to get home. Is your husband sympathetic at all?

It is hard being away. :(

My grandchild was just a couple of months old when I saw her. It will be 3 years this year.

Yes my mum is close to 90.

My husband has worked a couple of months in the past 2 years. I worked some but was sick. The money I made went to catching up on all the bills we were behind on.

My family is poor and couldn't afford airfare.

I hope you can visit, even if just for a week.