Another argument tonight

[clio51]

I've been really upset tonight over DP attitude,

He asked me this afternoon did I won't to go and test drive a car with him, I said no but he could drop me in town right near to have a browse round.
He rang half an hour later to say he was JUST going out in it, ok ring me when your back.
So few more shops, the call to say he'd be 10 mins. I told him where I would be waiting, rushed round a shop I was in as didn't want to keep him waiting in traffic. So 10 mins nothing, text him he said 2 mins now. Well cut story short 30mins on corner waiting, I was freezing,wet.

He said sorry, quick going over what happened end off.

So gets into the house, switched the lamp on in the lounge and it blew in the air(normally I crouch down to switch it on) well good job I didn't or it would off covered my face with glass!
So we both cleared the mess up, and he took the lamp into kitchen to put new bulb in. I was hoovering near kitchen next min the new bulb on side fell off and smashed. Well he said look what I've done now!! It fell, no it was me he said, next the cylinder fell off dyson bloodily he'll what you doing just leave it if your not well?? (Just cause I was cold)
Stood my ground and said I didn't do it. But got called.

So I just got upset, and then he says oh the crying now!
He just seems to have a go at me for anything just lately, if I spill something, drop anything,forget something anything. Yet it ok for him,or it's ok then.
Tried later after calming down to talk/explain what he's like, and he says so what do you wanna do put the house up for sale. This just upset me more, as I feel he doesn't care what he says or does to anybody anymore not just to me (well mainly me)

Bit background about three years ago through argueing I told him to leave and he pleaded with me to give it another go.
Well now he still brings that up every time we have an argument, to the point I'm sick of hearing it. I've told him that was 3 years ago and we've moved on but he is still angry that I said it saying "nobody tell me to go out of my house"

He thinks just saying sorry makes everything fine again, never talks about it again like it never happened. Well I'm still upset/mad at the way he spoke and treated me. He tried to talk later, but very small talk and I was still upset deep down so just answered with yes or short sentence.
Yet he rang his mum and chatted away for 45 mins(who he normally says tell her I'm out) but can't discuss his relationship with me.

Think he's given up,his gone to bed and not said anything.

Am I wrong to have reacted like this, I just got so upset at him treating me like this seems the norm just lately and I'm peed off with it now but nothing gets sorted.
How do I deal with this

Think you posted recently is this about the DP with parent health issues?

If so I am not sure what to suggest as things stand. Is it time to have a talk, not playing the blame game just stating what is different from one or two years' ago? When was the last time you looked across at him and felt better for him being there? Can you name one thing that would lift your relationship with this man?

I think you mentioned a new stressful job too. There is often a reason or excuse for taking it out on a partner but when it becomes a habit no question it starts to poison what you have. Good to vent on here but some of the things you mention are small fry compared to bigger worries you've expressed before. Hand on heart if you got home and found a note on the kitchen table saying "I've gone, I'm not coming back, we'll talk money in a few days" what would your reaction be?

Yes it's the same person.

No he had a stressful job, hasn't now at home early severance payment.

If that what you suggested happened I would be gutted,very sad to put it mildly.
It's all the digs at me that are adding up, it's just getting to me.
As I've just got over a bad period of anxiety/depression, and working hard not to go back into that horrible place again. I have to stay strong in order to not go down again, and the upset makes me feel miserable again. So feel I need to fix this, but it hard when DP thinks he knows anything.

Sounds like you were both stressed. Be kind to yourself n see hoe things ate tomorrow.

With stuff like this, it is usually a small thing that is the tip of the iceberg. Sounds to me like you feel you have to still keep on his good side (eg running around to avoid keeping him waiting) and he is still resentful and defensive after the ultimatum. The sell the house comment is brinksmanship. He assumes that will get you to back down and say oh no, let's work it out etc, allowing him to carry on his unfair criticism and thoughtlessness.

What about counselling? Have you ever been or discussed going together?

At any age when a partner is being critical or wanting their own way all the time it gets on our nerves. If he is at home now jobless is he feeling he's on the scrapheap so to speak? You feel he is lashing out at you which is obviously unfair. When you were both out and about there was less time to be cooped up together within four walls.

If this is the worst patch you have been in together can you consider (with pen and paper) what you both share and enjoy - if anything - that might yet keep you together? He's not been unfaithful, he does stuff round the house, his personal hygiene still A1? Otoh you might decide he is becoming cold, secretive, controlling...

He tried to talk later, but very small talk and I was still upset deep down so just answered with yes or short sentence I wonder if unconsciously you mirror each other's behaviour sometimes?

The grass isn't always greener, but think about whether being on your own would be better for you now.