Boyfriend's uncle has died.. family issues

[MoominIsGoingToBeAMumWaitWHAT]

My boyfriend's uncle has died of cancer, leaving OH absolutely devestated. They were close. I'm trying to be there for him by doing as much as I can, letting him know I'm here, doing as much around the house as is possible (I'm pregnant and have some mild issues with my spine meaning that doing practical stuff can be difficult but I'm trying).

He's spoken to his mum and his sister, both have given the impression that I'm not doing enough - his sister is driving an hour and a half up to where we live tonight, "because he's completely on his own and she needs to make sure he's ok". There's issues between us because they've been struggling TTC and i fell pregnant accidentally in August.

The funeral will be in a couple of weeks, presumably (not sure how soon they do funerals after deaths, IME it's always been a couple of weeks) and OH has been asked to be a pallbearer and has said he'd like me to be there, but what if the rest of his immediate family don't want me there? I get on well with his dad (and thought I got on well with his mum until lately), didn't know his uncle very well but apparently he'd been asking after us and the baby the past few days, asking if we're ok etc.

I just feel like me being there with an obvious bump (it's difficult to hide) will be more painful for his sister especially, and with it being such an emotional time, I don't want anything to flare up and leave OH feeling worse, but I feel like I'm completely torn here, and I'm not sure what more I can do to help OH. I thought I was doing everything I could but all these comments about him being "all alone" etc makes me think I should be doing more for him. He's in a daze, he's so upset and doesn't know what to do or how to react, and I don't want to heap more stress on him now.

I wish I could just hide away from it all but I know I need to be here for OH. I think more than anything this thread is just me venting, asking wwyd with regards to the funeral, and wondering if there's anything more I can do to help OH and appease his family?

Your OH has to make it crystal clear to his relatives that you and he are a non-negotiable 'set'. You're not just some temporary fixture or optional extra, you're family. Realise it's an emotional time for everyone but, if he doesn't defend your position, he is not worth the acronym 'OH'. Stand up for yourself.

In this one just do exactly what your oh asks you to do wrt the funeral.

Be polite and friendly at the funeral. It is not your fault his sister is having difficulty conceiving. The focus won't be on you anyway.

Be proud, stand up tall and support your oh in whichever way you can.

And people TTC, whatever internal struggles they may be experiencing, have no right whatsoever to make a pregnant woman feel out of place. So don't tippy toe around her or feel you have to hide your belly. Her problems are hers to resolve.