Can this get any worse?

[Goshwhatreally]

Long time poster changed name due the events of last 24hours.
ExH and I split after he had affair 18months, he took up with OW straight away.
Before Christmas he was arrested for drink driving with DD in car, this resulted in conviction and he no longer has a job.
24 hours ago DD revealed to school counsellor and child protection officer credible evidence of sustained verbal abuse byExH and his GF. I was called to school and my response has been to halt all contact.
Guess what? I have been duped by a gullible child protection officer and any way it's all my fault.
Speechless and feel very alone.

That sounds horrid. Who is saying you've been duped and it's all your fault? You are only doing your best to protect your DD, it isn't your fault at all.

Presumably the x Wood? It is his first reaction to being found out.

I am so sorry that you and your DD are going through this Gosh, what advice have they given you? Solicitor?

I'm guessing it's the ex that says you've been duped? How does he contact you to deliver this information? Keep all contact to the bare minimum, preferably written. Don't take calls but let them go to answerphone so that you have a record. Keep texts etc.

Child protection officers are not all that gullible, he'll find. Hope your DD is OK. Good luck

I'm sorry. You must be in bits about your little girl.

I'm assuming that it's your XH who is saying this?

If so, try to see it as a positive confirmation of the fact that you've done the right thing in divorcing him and stopping contact. You and DD really are much better off without him in your lives. His refusal to admit his wrongdoing and shift blame on to you is proof positive that he is either incapable of or doesn't want to put DD's best interests first, and that he is angry that his poor behaviour is being called out.

I suppose that this way at least the venom is coming at you directly, rather than being drip fed through your DD. Make sure you keep a record of it (refuse to discuss other than in letter/email/text).

X post with Cogito there.

What a brave daughter you have. Keep boosting her and praising her for having the courage to speak out about what's been happening to her.

She's your concern, not what that idiot says.

Of course you must put her safety above everything. She must never, ever be forced to spend time with anyone who is abusing her.

Stay firm OP it is a spiteful backlash at being brought to book regarding the DUI last December or whenever it happened. DD is your only concern and needs support.

I have been duped by a gullible child protection officer and any way it's all my fault.

Of course an abuser is going to try to shift the blame away from themselves. You must hold firm to the knowledge that this is not your fault. He is her father and it is out of your control that he had to have contact. That is, while he appeared to be a non abusive father. But now that this has come to light you will have more control over things and you will hopefully be backed up by the school.

Sorry it is him and his parents who are saying this. Fortunately it is all in e-mails so fully documented. It's just so ard keeping going.
Thank you all hearing others saying I have done the right thing helps.

He sounds utterly vile. Does he not realise that his act of blaming you displays a complete failure to acknowledge that there is a hurt little girl at the centre of this. Something has been troubling her enough to raise it with a school counsellor in the first place. If he was capable of real love towards his DD his first port of call would be to apologise for any pain he's caused her even if he feels she's 'misunderstood' what he and his GF were saying . The fact that he instead wants to minimise, avoid and blame speaks volumes.

Keep strong. You're doing the right thing.