Men who move onto a new relationship quickly...

[louby44]

I'm working from home today but have been dipping into discovering why men move on so quickly...

They have to fill a void, left by the previous partner and the quicker they move on, the more hurt they were...

How does he do this? By seeking out someone else to focus his attention on, both emotionally and sexually. And, the sooner, the better, for it is this new woman who heals his wounds by allowing him to step back into the comfortable, acceptable space of being the tough, unruffled man that he is supposed to be. She facilitates his return to a state of being where he can once again feel masculine and in control of himself and his emotions. Order is restored and all is right with the world again.

The speed in which a man moves from a bitter breakup to a new amorous attachment is directly proportional to the pain he's feeling -- the deeper the hurt, the quicker the hookup.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/05/rebound-relationship-why-_n_1569001.html

Men aren't all the same, neither are women.. Am sure it's an individual thing how quickly anyone moves on!

I would agree that men tend to move on quicker and probably not for the right reasons either.

I have a natural resistance to anything that pronounces that men do this and women do that. People are individuals.

That said, I think a lot of women kid themselves that men have moved on quickly when the truth is they moved on some time before the break-up- and what's being described as a 'new' relationship is anything but.

It was an affair.

There are a lot of people that don't like to be on their own and will rush headlong into a relationship only to discover later that they are not really comparable or in love but stay for fear of being alone

I also naturally distrust anything that says men and women act in different ways as a blanket policy in certain situations, but I must admit from personal experience , that men do seem to be keen to move on after getting hurt a lot quicker than women. Maybe women often need a period on their own to regroup and grieve, to regain some confidence in their own independence, whilst men, who are often looked after more in a relationship on a day to day level, miss being looked after.

I have also seen it mentioned on here a lot that men don't tend to leave a relationship unless there is someone waiting in the wings, whilst more women purely leave a relationship because it isn't working any more. I left my last relationship just because it wasn't working for me, and am still single, whilst I noticed that a lot of men I know, including my ex, presumed there was someone else involved.

Leverette Never had a broken heart, hmm? I feel sorry for you, it's a kind of melancholy ecstasy and a real sign that your heart is still alive.

It's not another 'mummy' you're looking for when half of your partnership vanishes.

I agree it's not always the case because often people can move on well before a breakup (and that doesn't always mean an affair). It can seem like a big shock to the one who gets left and they interpret it as he/she getting into a rebound relationship when it's not.

Sorry I have to disagree. What a sweeping statement. I feel sorry for men sometimes. I'm sure if this generalisation was made about women there would be uproar on here. You can't generalise about an entire gender like that. People are individual and the speed both men and women move on is down to individual choice and circumstances

Some men and some women do this. I think it is because it's easier not to have to take responsibility for your own actions if you merely see yourself through the mirror of someone who thinks you're marvellous, hasn't yet encountered your flaws and has only hear one side of the story.

If it's one thing I've learnt it's to avoid anyone who has just come out of a significant relationship like the plague.

I think what's more damaging OP is that you're trying to convince yourself of two things: 1) that he wasn't already having an affair and b) that he was more hurt than he is by the end of your relationship.

From my vague memory of your postings about this bloke, I think you're giving him far more credit for ethical behaviour and hidden depths than he realistically merits.

Other men are likely to behave very differently to this one.

I think it depends with age.

It's easier for' women below eg. 30 to move from one relationship to the other, whereas its easier for a 'decent' man above the age of 30 to move from one person to another quickly.

My ExP wasn't having an affair. He didn't go anywhere to have an affair. He was either at work or at home.

I don't know however if this woman was a confidant, someone he was talking to secretly online. I haven't a clue. I know nothing about her other than her first name and that she has 4 children.

But I know my exP and he fits this scenario very well. He likes being in a relationship, he likes being in a family setting. He is sexually driven. I have my 2 DS with me whereas he has no one. He must have felt very alone. Anyone that could boost his ego and make him feel wanted again would be something he would seek. I ended this relationship.

I think some women are guilty of moving on too but I do think men do it more!

I don't think gender or age has much to do with it, it's down to the individual. I also think it depends on who left who. The person who leaves has most likely mentally and emotionally checked out of the relationship for a good while before leaving, therefore already has the mindset of a single person before they leave and are more ready to start again with someone else. The person who was dumped, on the other hand, can only start to begin to disengage from the relationship once the other person has left and therefore has been "single" for a much shorter period of time.

I ended our relationship, although he certainly didn't put up much of a fight to save it!

I've found it very difficult. I ended a relationship with a man I was still in love with but I did it because I couldn't live with his immaturity, failure to talk about things and his utter contempt for my DC that had got worse and worse over the last couple of years.

He was my best friend, we got on very very well and as a couple we were great but things were very strained whenever my DC were about. I couldn't do it anymore.

He needs a woman in his life. It's how he defines himself.

The thing is you'll never know whether this was going on before you broke up and as we all know from MN, going to work never stopped anyone from having an affair. Like you say, he didn't put up a fight to stay in the relationship and maybe there's a reason for that.

The important thing is that you made the right decision and what he does now is his own look-out. As it will be for the daft woman who appears to have taken him on.

What a load of bollocks!
People who are hurt and desperate to fill a void move on quickly.
People who couldn't care less move on quickly.
People who are in the middle but happen to meet someone else by chance soon after move on quickly.

People - men or women.

I agree and especially with arsenal .

I am a man. I like being in relationships. When my ex dw ended it, she thought it was appalling that I then went straight out and met someone new. Charming. It is just a horrible way to control another person. OP I think you need to think about the other person in the equation.

I like being in a relationship and I'm very jealous of people who find news ones quickly instead of languishing in the singledoms for fucking ages like I do.

I think there may be something in this for the simple reason that most men don't have the day to day responsibility for children flowing a split.

I agree maleview, I don't think it's gender specific per se, more gender specific because of the way society is set up.

I do the same Billy. Five years single because of the last cunt