Advice on MiL ignoring kids

[Hakky]

Hi all,
I'm new to posting, so please bear with me! I'll try to keep it brief.
I really need some advice on MiL, she is ignoring my DC, she has other GC who she sees all the time, but barely bothers with mine, it's so distressing.
Bit of background, all GC live within approx 30m drive, all junior/primary school age. MiL divorced so no influence from FiL.
Recently my DH took her to task, she said it was all our fault(!) since then I've made efforts to improve things, trying to involve her in stuff but she always declines as is invariably with other GC. I am at the end of my tether, it's not fair to my kids which I find massively distressing.

Can I just ask ,Hakky..where is your mum in this?Perhaps she does not want to intrude.

Iwould understand if you told me not to invite cousins along on special days,but admit I would not have thought of this as an issue before now.

Grandmothers love to see all cousins getting to know each other,shared childhoods that keep the family bonds strong,no matter where they are in the world one day.

It is not fair if some get more time,things and attention though,I agree.Just speak to her.

Hi,
My mum lives much further away, but we do see her regularly.
We also see all the cousins, my MiL sees all the cousins at least weekly but generally more frequently, she sees our kids once every couple of months max, and often much less often, she went 6m without seeing our youngest last year

Oh dear! This sounds horrible.Hope she doesn't tell some that they are the fav. ones.
I would leave it to your husband to go alone ,with a written down list of grievances and not allow her to get emotional and weepy and cut right to the bone,and so be it!
I am an old grandmother by the way.

Thanks, I'm stepping right back, letting DH deal with her, I'm focussing on my DC and supporting DH

Quick update, just spent weekend with MiL, her behaviour around my DC was so awful compared to that with her other GC, that actually it's made it so much easier, she barged into a convo between my DH, DS2 and I to be rude to my DS2 (there was loads of other stuff, but that point was key) basically she just demonstrated that she doesn't deserve to have my children in her life. I plan to support my children if they wish to see her, but that's it. A massive thank you to everyone for their advice, it's really helped in getting me to this point.

Hi HAKKY

I think you right step right back, and this is I plan to support my children if they wish to see her, but that's it. is the best thing to do.

My Inlaws have very little to do with my dc's. My SIL has free childcare 4 days a week and it seems every other week end off and the GC are at MIL's, as SIL work so hard . My inlaws even go to see dh brother child at least once a month. They drive past our house on the way but never stop.

It's got to the point where we only see them when they ask, I refuse to engage and make plans luckly DH feels the same he is fed up with being second best within family. So we probably see them every other month for an afternoon.

Our eldest does ask why Nanny never wants to see them, and why Nanny has her cousins overnight and why they take them on holiday every year (if not twice a year). I just tell I don't know and she should ask Nanny herself.