My DH had an EA almost four years ago, when I was pregnant with DC1. At least I would classify it as an EA but I do suffer with anxiety and depression at times and I don't know whether that has clouded my judgment and maybe I have blown everything out of proportion.
I was working in another country when I found out I was pregnant, came home, we were both happy about it, moved in together etc. a couple of months later I found out he had met up with a woman for a drink without telling me when I was away, I had suspicious feelings so read through his texts and emails (yes, I know I shouldn't have, I was pregnant, emotional and feeling very insecure). The drink was nothing, work stuff, that is really not an issue at all anymore and I know 100% nothing happened so that is not an issue. The issue is that I saw emails exchanged between him and his ex, whilst I was abroad and in early stages of pregnancy. I know nothing physical happened as she lives very very far away and it would have been impossible for them to meet up but the tone of the conversations was 'I miss you, been dreaming about you etc very emotional deep stuff, and I know that they had planned on talking on the phone, although I don't know what was said in these conversations.
Anyway, I know form reading through that I came back to the uk, he finished whatever it was with her and asked her not to contact him again. She was furious, and that was that. She has sent the odd email, congratulating on second baby, wedding etc. he has either not replied or sent a very brief, thank you we are very happy type reply.
Stupidly I kept this all to myself for all this time. Initially I thought if got over it as I knew it was over but it has been gnawing away at me all this time, and I think contributing to my low self esteem and anxiety :( I finally brought it up with him yesterday, wish I had done this a long time ago. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted but I still don't know whether I can get over it. He has confirmed it's all over, agrees that it was an affair of sorts, is very sorry and not mad with me for looking in his emails as I rightly had reason to be suspicious. He admits that he had confusing mixed feelings at the time but loves me deeply now and wouldn't change our life for anything. It's just the thought at the back of my mind that DC1 was conceived when he had feelings for somebody else, urgh.
Not sure what I plan to get out of starting this thread. Some perspective I suppose. I don't want to talk to my friends, as one of my closest friends is his sister, and my other friend is fiercely protective of me and I don't want her to hate him. I am a regular poster on parenting stuff btw, name changed for this, never posted in relationships before.