Almost scared to post, because I probably dont want to hear the truth, but big breath...
Been with DP 19 years, we have a dd who is 9. From the outside all looks great, large house, nice cars etc. DP has own business and spends a lot of time there and works hard.
I gave up work with dd, gone back part time, do all house stuff. I feel a bit disempowered, as I rely on DP's money, mine is so minimal it buys dd the extras, pays my phone, insurances. I earned more, but was made redundant last year and retrained, still trying to get that going, but working in an associated field, to have some money of my own.
DP is hopeless with dd, it seems he just can't see how to interact with her naturally, as such he winds her up, he is affectionate to our pets, but can't be the same withe dd, he does very little with her, when I try and orchestrate something, I find he has taken her to work, or left her with his sil. Dd is wonderful, we are so lucky she is easy going and fun, but she is starting to 'switch off' to her dad, I see her go upstairs when he comes in, as he always tells her to turn her programme off. He tends to see negatives everywhere and finds it hard to just enjoy the moment. Personally I think he has some autistic tendencies and a few years ago, a family member also thought this, he would be horrified if I mentioned this.
DP is no longer affectionate with me, he never kisses, or cuddles, unless he wants sex, which to be honest is non existent nowadays, my fault I think, I feel frumpy and tatty (can't afford to have hair cut and coloured so often, although I do always look smart and take care of my appearance). I also found he had been watching porn on the iPad and it has put me off., he made little of it and seems to have stopped, but that's another tale. I also haven't been feeling too well I have had a cancer lump removed end of last year and have been going through the menopause for the last two years and trying to do this on my own - so many things, I found out I have a serious health issue that although is monitored yearly by specialists, I could also develop it more severely or just die suddenly. Dd has also been ill and has a condition that has to be controlled carefully for life diagnosed recently, not connected to mine by the way.
Christmas was hard, I did everything, all the buying, bought pressies on eBay for dd out my own money and am overdrawn, which worries me. DP puts money in an account for food etc., but this was depleted because we had friends staying, so extra food presses for his family (I can't afford to buy those, not expensive things, but it mounts up). I told him we were short, but either he ignores, or chooses to ignore. There is always extras, school trip, new uniform for dd, although I buy second hand through school a lot, music lesson etc., and I find it hard to budget it all. This month I paid for food out of my account, because I was fed up of telling DP that we didn't have anything left. Thankfully the money has just gone in!
This morning, I told him that there was a school trip and it was £100 two day PGL camp and he just said she should go - I am thinking where is that coming from? I know he will moan about writing a cheque and say that it should come out the food account. He has just paid fees for dance class.
I feel tired, overwhelmed and teary, outside all goes on and no one would know. I try talking to DP and he says not to be so dramatic. I saw nurse at clinic for routine check up and my bp is sky high ( despite tablets) she made me an immediate appointment for dr. I go tomorrow, usually I breeze in saying all is ok. It isn't though is it?
Sorry for huge post, but didn't want to drip. I have nc too.