Friendship on the wane WWYD?

[LuciaGolding]

I've posted about this before under a different name, so excuse if it sounds familiar.
Long term friendship but geographically 40 miles apart- either side of a big city.
My friend has more time than me (I have 3 p/t jobs and DCs who have left home but they come back now and then- she has no job and no DCs.) What I'm saying is more of my time is taken up then hers.

She's constantly avoiding committing to meeting ( saw her last about 6 months ago) because the unspoken assumption ( from her) is that I will travel to see her ( when I am perhaps in the city or if not that I'll still be the one to travel to her.)

She has for ages done the thing about promising to phone at a certain time on a certain day and doesn't. We last spoke a few days back and she promised to call me this week while she was visiting a sick relative ( nothing too serious- she's gone to help cook etc) I texted her days ago to say hope all was ok and have had nothing back. This is typical. Then when she does call it's as if nothing is wrong and no need to apologise. If this was a bloke treating me like this then I'd dump them!

I feel I get the crumbs of what she has left and I'm not happy with that. I've tried to distance myself by just not phoning her, when she does step up to fill that gap and calls me-but then reverts to being offhand.

I like her and don't really want to lose the friendship but I feel she takes me for granted and behaves a bit badly.

I think you need to reciprocate. Nice if you hear from her, back of your mind/forget if you don't. Don't do all the running. It takes two to have a relationship. AND as you say, your life is much busier than hers.

Agree with Tweeny! Very frustrating, I know because u had a friend just like this.. U could try telling her but the chances are it won't make any difference long term. I should distance yourself and let her make some more if hrs running and next time you suggest meeting make it sf your place or in the middle

Some people don't answer every text they get. I always answer texts and got a bit offended when close friends sometimes didn't answer one from me. Then I realised that some people just miss texts. It shouldn't be a big deal in a friendship. Friendships do wax and wane but they don't need to be terminated when they are going through a waning period. Next you so meet why don't you arrange to meet in the centre of your big city, then it won't feel like you are putting more effort in than her.

she lives in the big city- I live 40 miles other side. She seems to want to wait until I am there for some reason and then can meet her at the same time, rather than offering to see me in my town- I've said she can come any time and she is passing through every week on her way to an appt.!!!

It's not that single text that is the issue Charley- it's years and years of her being slightly offhand.

I just wanted to update. she did call and we had a chat- then she mentioned meeting up when she is back and said we must go to xxx place ( to eat) which is where she lives.

This means she has to walk out of her house, once I arrive, and I have a 1hr journey costing me £25 in fares.

It's just the assumption that I will do the leg work- presumably because there are nicer places to eat there than where I live- and not even asking where we will meet or if I'm happy to trudge over to see her.

I have a 'friend' like this, everything is very much on her terms and it's really annoying. Perhaps she thinks you're loaded as you've 3 jobs (people without children have no idea how expensive they are) and don't mind the fayres? Could she be jealous you have a family and work and she doesn't?

I have to admit that I have a few friends I can be a bit like this with. I do like them and I do consider them friends, but I have a busy life and limited time to fit in other people and they aren't close enough friends that I am willing to prioritize them very often. Which is probably mean, but that is just the way it is. If they felt it was insufficient and wanted to end the friendship, I would understand that absolutely.

That made me smile! She is a millionaire, I have 3 p/t jobs and earn peanuts from them ( am self employed.) She chooses not to work and not to have kids.

OK, but why don't you take control and say "actually it would be nice to see you over my way, we could go to x place. If I'm honest I find it hard going to keep coming into the city" perhaps she is thoughtless and hasn't really realised you find it difficult?