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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Slowly loosing the plot

5 replies

woolypigs · 22/01/2014 23:36

I am sure this is going to be rambling all over the place, I apologise in advance and thank you for taking the time to read it if you manage it.

I have been on here a few times over the past couple of years under a couple of guises.

I was married for just over 20 years, I split up with my ex in November. I did it in a tits up way.

Basically I lived in Greece for over 21 years, met my ex there got married and had 3 kids. There is a 16 year difference between me and my ex. He was controlling even though he still says he can't see it.

He was very into porn, more into porn than into me. He had issues with my size, he preferred larger ladies and this has now caused me to be crap at eating as it was the only thing I could control.

I left the year before last to move to UK to make a better life for us, I came over with my youngest who was 6 at the time. Our middle child was 16 stayed there as he was still in school and we said it was better he stayed and carried on there in case things didn't work out. Our eldest has made her own life over there with her boyfriend.

So, I came over got a job and did really well making my way up in the company found a little house and proved to myself that i could make my own way.

I started going out with friends which was something that I had never done much. Then of course 3 weeks before he was due to move here I met someone. Someone who showed me in that short time what it is like to be respected and cared for.

I went back to Greece for a flying visit due to family circumstances and I know I should have told my ex then but I just didn't have the courage. Going back to the house and him made me revert back to what I was before.

Anyway he came to UK I told him, it took a while to convince him but he realised it was over and returned to Greece. My middle child, who had been here since August as he had started college, took pity on his dad and went back with him with the plan of maybe coming back to return to college.

I carried on my relationship with my new partner, introduced him to my parents and then a little while later my youngest, Christmas passed and here everything is ok.

Just after Christmas my son says he wants to come back, so I decide to write him a letter, due to his fathers lack of respect and general behavior he had picked up a similar attitude so I wanted to let him know that I wouldn't have him back the same as before. I was getting stronger and realised I didn't have to do everything for him, I wasn't a slave. I used to go to work and come home and there would be all his dirty plates etc. I did all the washing and ironing etc.

So in the letter I let him know that he would have to be more respectful and responsible. I also explained about my new partner as I didn't want him coming over and getting stroppy about it and insisting on a flight back. It probably wasn't the best way to address it by letter but when I go on skype I loose my strength to talk and I never know if my ex is listening in ready to pounce on something said.

Obviously it didn't go down to well. My son and I are still talking but not great but skype isn't easy especially when you know the ex is sitting just out of camera shot. My eldest and I had a bit of a to do but have seemed to recover.

The thing is now, she is due to give birth soon and I want to go over but I really not sure if I can cope it. I feel like I am slowly loosing the plot. I have a horrible habit of trying to keep everyone happy and feel like I am being pulled in a million directions.

I am having issues at work, I have worked my way up to a nice little position but now I am there its not what I want. I am constantly stressing about being on time doing the things I need to on time, trying to teach staff their training and I get frustrated when they don't do their simple job.

I really need to speak with someone but don't have the time or the money to get the professional help. I wouldn't know where to start either.

Getting out of bed is getting harder every day, simple tasks are taking so much effort.

Going round bloody Asda today and I couldn't think what to get I wandered aimlessly around and bought crap.

Sorry this is so long, and there is so much more I just didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
woolypigs · 23/01/2014 00:05

bump

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 23/01/2014 00:18

Please ask for this post to go into relationships.

You'll get better support there to help talk things through.

Thanks
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 23/01/2014 00:22

You mean your eldest child is pregnant with your grandchild and due soon? Could you go over and just see her and her partner and the baby, and not stay with your ex? That way you wouldn't feel "dependent" on your ex at all, but could be there to help your daughter - I should think that if ever any daughter is likely to "want her mam" it is when she gives birth for the first time iykwim.
Your middle son is probably in shock at being told your world doesn't revolve around him Grin and the thought of having to tidy up after himself and do housework will take some getting used to Grin - he will though, even if it takes a while - they grow out of being selfish teenagers, and by their twenties they turn back into lovely reasonable human beings again, honest Grin
Try not to let everything get on top of you. I don't mean to sound "belittling" all these things, but if you let everything sort of pile up, and prey on your mind, you just end up with it all churning round and round and make yourself ill with it all Confused
Can you maybe just take a wee step back, just poddle on at work for a while, you know you can do the job, you're good at it, so let it go so to speak, and have some "time out" almost, wait for your grandchild to arrive, and concentrate on that for now, and just tackle one thing at a time?

woolypigs · 23/01/2014 00:28

If I go over I would need to sort out somewhere to stay, and the time I have to go over due to courses at work and other peoples holidays is only 2.5 days with another 1.5 travelling.
Also I worry as it will be the first time seeing everyone after the seperation and telling them about my new partner and I don't want that overshadowing the baby and my daughter. I don't want to put everyone in difficult positions when its a time to celebrate.
Also to be fair I had enough trouble getting around Asda today let alone trying to catch 2 flights and walk into a highly emotional time.

OP posts:
woolypigs · 23/01/2014 11:21

Well trying to move forward I have made an appointment to see Drs today to talk with someone. I hate being so low. Everything is really such a struggle at the minute.

My lack of concentration and quick temper and the shakes are really getting me down.

My moods have always been quite up and down anyway, I can go from really high to really low quite quickly but now the highs and lows are just crazy.

OP posts:
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