Betrayal

[ohjo]

I have been in deep shock for 2 weeks having discovered my husband has been having an affair for 2 years!! He doesn't know that I know this. I would love some advice on how to approach this. We've been married for 12 years. The last few have been tough but i held on to us believing in him and all we were building together. I am so sad and angry. 2 kids. Any tips on what to do next would be brill. Thank you xx

Well, what do you feel like doing? I don't mean to be flippant, but really, that's what matters - how do you feel like reacting? I would go ballistic and kick his arse to Mars, but others I know would try and work through it or not even mention it and try to work through it without him even knowing they know. It's a deeply personal thing. What's your first reaction? Then discount that and think about your second reaction - which will tend to be your real reaction minus the shock.

Well there has been no sex for 4 years. I have got used to that though but it explains a lot and I was clearly in denial I realise now despite my suspicions and his denials. When it's good between us it's lovely. However we rarely do anything together as he is always working. I am extremely daunted at leaving and wonder if its worth the upheaval?

What do you know about the affair? Do you know the woman concerned?

I don't know her but she is work related , abroad. i have seen pictures of her to do with work.

Still coming back to what do you FEEL like doing? Yes, leaving would be awful, it always is. But do you think you can stay? Happily stay? On what terms?

Well if this was me I'd have to confront the situation. I'm not too sure why you haven't?

Are you sure he has? You don't actually say how you found out or what you found. How do you know it's been going on for 2 years?

Holding your hand.

Can you keep this to yourself? I tried to bottle it up, it drove me to depression and further misery. You shouldn't have to carry his secrets.

Finding out is hard, it means he isn't facing up to it.

I don't think sticking your head in the sand will give you future happiness.
What do you want to do? Can you take some time out to think?

Hi and thanks for the replies. My head is clearer now, I am definatly leaving. There is photographic evidence and documents . For the kids it wud be best done amicably but can this be done outside courts and still be fair?! Prob not? His business is offshore so tricky to get any cash out of... He has been away all week where the lover is also due to work, so I am hoping I can hold it together when he returns tomorrow for a bit longer til I get my ducks in a row. It could be difficult.