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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex/relationship post-sexual assault

4 replies

HaroldBishopsTuba · 22/01/2014 17:23

Hi everyone,

I realise that since I don't have kids it might look a bit odd my posting here. Initially I came to mn for penis beaker (well done that woman) and I've seen loads of good advice here, so I'm hoping I can get some too. Also, my situation is quite sensitive and quite specific so I feel comfortable posting somewhere that people I know are unlikely to read. I'll try to be concise but I've got quite a lot to say and apologise for that.

Since leaving uni I've worked abroad (so for almost four years). In early summer 2013 I was sexually assaulted in the country where I'd been living and working for 6 months. It was pretty horrible- hospital and so on. I had to come back to the uk, therefore had to give up my job, and a couple of months ago sadly broke up with my GF. That's the background.

The issue is that whenever I think about meeting someone new I feel really anxious about the possibility of having sex. The thought of it panics me, and even though I know I'm not ready for another relationship now I am worried that I will always feel this way. I worry about whether my body has changed after the assault (does my fangelina Jolie look different? Will it feel different?), and whether I'll be able to go through with the act, and if I will ever be able to truly enjoy it again. And will I actually have the energy for another relationship anyway? I feel like I'll never meet anyone, because I struggle to talk to strangers at the moment (not that I am scared of them, but I suppose my confidence has really been knocked and I don't feel that anyone would be interested in me after what happened).

I apologise that this is long and a bit rambling. My question is really just- will I feel this way forever? And on a related note, should i tell any partners about what happened before shagging commences? STI stuff is all fine, so that's not an issue.

OP posts:
FluffyDucky · 22/01/2014 17:34

Hi and Welcome to mn. I don't have kids either so don't worry about that, you will find lots of support here.
In answer to your question, no you will not feel like this forever. You can have a normal relationship and no doubt will.
I was 13 when I was raped. I am 30 now (but shh, don't tell anyone Wink )
it had been so hard at times, I still struggle with sex now sometimes. But I am married to a very understanding man.
Have you talked to anyone about what happened, a professional? I would very much recommend seeing someone who has experience in this. I saw a phycologist a number of years ago which helped hugely. xx

HaroldBishopsTuba · 22/01/2014 17:52

Thank you so much for replying- it's so good to hear that people can and do move on from this. I haven't yet seen anyone apart from my GP and various nurses etc. I was offered counselling, but at the time I was absolutely off my nut on painkillers (prescribed! Am not a drug addict) and said no. Idiotic!

OP posts:
FluffyDucky · 22/01/2014 20:14

Don't feel you can't go back at any point and ask for help. I only had my counselling about 6/7 years ago.
It's not easy asking for help, nor is it easy having it. Like everything it takes the one thing we don't want, time.

selfdestructivelady · 22/01/2014 20:45

I was raped at 15 by my boyfriend I had a year of therapy and I can't recommend it enough. I met my dh at 17 and although I went the opposite way to you I was promiscuous I never really felt anything with them but my dh was patient kind and understanding and gradually feeling came back.

I'm ten years on and feel very much recovered from my ordeal. Ime it takes time therapy and the right partner to get back on track.

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