Hi everyone,
I realise that since I don't have kids it might look a bit odd my posting here. Initially I came to mn for penis beaker (well done that woman) and I've seen loads of good advice here, so I'm hoping I can get some too. Also, my situation is quite sensitive and quite specific so I feel comfortable posting somewhere that people I know are unlikely to read. I'll try to be concise but I've got quite a lot to say and apologise for that.
Since leaving uni I've worked abroad (so for almost four years). In early summer 2013 I was sexually assaulted in the country where I'd been living and working for 6 months. It was pretty horrible- hospital and so on. I had to come back to the uk, therefore had to give up my job, and a couple of months ago sadly broke up with my GF. That's the background.
The issue is that whenever I think about meeting someone new I feel really anxious about the possibility of having sex. The thought of it panics me, and even though I know I'm not ready for another relationship now I am worried that I will always feel this way. I worry about whether my body has changed after the assault (does my fangelina Jolie look different? Will it feel different?), and whether I'll be able to go through with the act, and if I will ever be able to truly enjoy it again. And will I actually have the energy for another relationship anyway? I feel like I'll never meet anyone, because I struggle to talk to strangers at the moment (not that I am scared of them, but I suppose my confidence has really been knocked and I don't feel that anyone would be interested in me after what happened).
I apologise that this is long and a bit rambling. My question is really just- will I feel this way forever? And on a related note, should i tell any partners about what happened before shagging commences? STI stuff is all fine, so that's not an issue.