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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help, DS fallen apart this morning because he misses daddy, don't know how to handle.

1 reply

letsbehonest100 · 22/01/2014 08:18

EXP and I split up a year ago. I tried and tried to make it work, in a nutshell he is a very selfish manchild and after a lot of soul searching I asked him to leave.

Our DS is almost 7. He had seemed to adjust remarkably well. His daddy was often out at the pub, playing sport etc so when he left it didn't seem like that huge a change to DS, and he's been largely ok. I've tried to make him feel that's its ok to be sad or angry, and that he can talk to me whenever he likes- but he's never said much.

He sees his daddy 2 days a week and stays over there.

We both have new relationships, DS is aware and has been fine about it until now. I've kept my relationship fairly separate from DS- my partner only stays when DS isn't here but we have done a few walks, games and dinners all together- DS has seemed fine, friendly and affectionate towards my BF and even asked him to sleep over a few times.

This morning DS woke v early, he asked to get up and play on minecraft. Obviously I said no, he began to sulk, which turned into crying almost Non stop because he wants daddy to come home. He won't let me comfort him because he says he's angry that I'm happy whilst he's unhappy. He says he liked things the way they used to be.

I'm devastated for him. I have tried to comfort him, to explain daddy can't come back- thought he realised daddy wasn't ever coming back?!

He said he feels that I've done something that makes me happy, but that its made him sad and that is mean. I can see his logic, after all I'm trying to convince him I love him more than anything, then I'm telling him his beloved daddy and I made each other unhappy so we couldn't live together anymore.

I just don't know what to do. I now feel terribly guilty not only for instigating the split (despite him EA me), but also for finding a chinc of happiness with a lovely kind man who isn't DS' dad.

I'm fumbling around for the right thing to do or say, I would desperately like some advice please.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/01/2014 08:49

He knows which buttons to push, doesn't he? :) So you say no to early doors Minecraft and he had a tantrum, dragging in absent Dad for effect. He's guilt-tripping you like a pro. Did you give in and let him play Minecraft?

If he really misses his Dad then you talk about that when things are calm. If he's just using Dad's absence as leverage when life isn't going 100% his way, tell him things don't work like that.

Good luck

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