why do so many men run away after a disagrerment?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I have noticed that some men cannot handle any kind of disagreement. Things were ok between my ex and I...lots of passion and some good times. However,we had a row about something trvial and he was off. Same with my last man.
The rows often went like this.. I politely brought up something I didnt like. They would fly off the handle and turn their phones off for days. In the mean time I would get very upset and try calling them to sort out row. They would say I was too anxous and dump me.
Hmmm.best off out? I wouldnt be anxious if i felt secure enough to disagree without some huge fall out.
I was with my ex for 5 months. We had one fall out over nothing much...commitment issues basically. he said if we had another one he would have dumped me anyway.

Thanks for that, Frog, but those are different contexts and I was hoping for evidence of examples in the same situation

I don't agree with them all, btw

I always argue against "well, men are not like us women are they" because it is terrifically sexist and dismissive of men's agency to do the right thing at the right time. More often than not, IMO, when that does not happen, it is down to an individual's shortcomings and not their gender

I also hope I don't use the fact I am female to mitigate my own bad behaviour, but can see how tempting it is to do so it is generally pretty well received in wider society

How is it 'feminist cramp' to point out that men are not from mars and that book is a load of old shite based on outdated watered down 'psychology' from 50 odd years ago!

Haha, crap not cramp! Feminist cramps are something different!

cogito Actually as a one off I would agree with you, and some of the others on here, but the OP isn't talking about one occassion.

If that happened more than once, especially if people felt I was needy, and the argument was instigated by me (all in the OP, she points out a fault etc) then I would look at my own behaviour and not do the all men are rubbish, why are they like that.

Just a view that's all

Tasers.

Stops 'em in their tracks everytime.

jacey That's certainly an opinion shared by some, but overall, even very recent reviews of John Grays books are more positive than negative.
Perhaps the majority of readers are less enlightened than you!

I think it's wrong when people say give them the space they need, what about your need to talk it through! Why is that less important? Ignoring someone when you're angry at them is so wrong in my opinion. All it does it make them feel insecure not knowing if you want to be with then or when they'll be 'forgiven'. These men could say I just need to sit in another room for a while to think not leave and ignore you for days. I think you need to look for someone who is emotionally able to deal with an argument.

I used too "run away" after rows because if I didn't I would get items thrown at me (pans, knives, food whatever was at hand)

Of course I would still get the phone calls saying that she forgave me.

There are many reasons why men "run away" from arguments. Some are even valid.

"...I think it's wrong when people say give them the space they need, what about your need to talk it through!..."

What are you gonna do, harass them? You can't make people talk if they don't want to, so yes, giving them the space they need is plainly logical.

"itsbetterthanabox"
"I think it's wrong when people say give them the space they need, what about your need to talk it through!"

If a man stopped a woman from leaving the room during an argument it would be seen as abusive. So why would it be different if you reversed the genders?

THe only threads on LP that I remember about the difficulties of mothers leaving small babies with NRPs was because they are breastfed. Not because of perceived competency with the child. Though of course a father who has had months with no contact with the child and no known experience of caring for a child does raise a level f concern which would never be expressed about a partner who had been sharing more fully. That's about experience and learned skills, not inherent difference.

Genuine biological differences are few, and certainly not applicable here. There is no sex-based reason to storm off for days.

OP: if you are still reading, I suggest you see this as a run of bad luck. It is fine to hold out for a man who makes you happy, not one who makes you feel as if you are treading on egg-shells.

"...I think it's wrong when people say give them the space they need, what about your need to talk it through!..."

What about their need for space?

IMO some people (not just men) just don't like direct confrontation, also some people are crap at picking their moments to have it out.

Hi OP,
Your question was 'best off out?' I would say definitely yes.
People do need space sometimes but switching off phone for days and sulking are not on. To stay with someone like that you would just become more and more anxious. So they did you a favour and yep agree with whoever said you dodged a bullet.

It just seems like the person who wants out always gets their way rather than the person who wants to sort our the issue. Being left not knowing how upset someone is/whether they may leave you for an indefinite amount of time is unfair imo.
Dv clearly a different issue altogether.

The insinuation itsbetterthanabox is that the person that stays is the one that wants to sort out the issue.

I'm i wrong for hiding my depression from my spouse ?
Me and my wife have been married for 14 years. 5 months ago my grand mother who I was close to passed away and and a year ago, one of my best friends who was overseas died of heart attack. I did not allow my wife to attend the funerals because those times were personal to me. I have been going through depression for awhile but when I’m around my wife, I put on a happy face and try to act as normal as possible. The only people that knows about my depression are my parents, my 2 brothers and my best Friends. My parents know that I’m hiding depression from my wife and they keep telling me that I should take the risk to tell her about it then I’ll know if she is truly the one. They say that we know when they are the right one when you can talk About hard things and your personal life and they will still be around no matter what but I don’t like this idea because, first of all, my depression is MINE and I can talk about it to whoever I want to talk about it because it’s my problem and it’s none of my wife’s business. Second of all, I am helping my self so there is no point in telling her. I try to cure my depression and I would rather do that on my own. My parents argued with me that your problems are your spouses problems but this is wrong and outdated. And on top of that, I am the man of the house, I’m supposed to protect my wife and a wife is definitely not someone you can confide in because our job as husbands is to protect and provide for our queens. I am getting help for my depression and I’m getting better slowly but steadily and it’s none of my wife’s business. It’s my problem. I am I wrong to hide this from my spouse ? Some other family members told me that its totally wrong to hide something like this.