Is this abuse?

[Imbadatnames]

I've NC'd

I live with my fiancé and atm I am jobless, I used to do all the cleaning in the house to try and compensate for this (I was and still am looking for a job) and would contribute financially whenever I had any money

Gradually DP started complaining about the cleaning, "you blocked the hoover/the dishes aren't clean enough/this corner isn't hoovered/this packet isn't in the bin/I don't like this meal" etc so as he complained I did things less and less cos I thought why should I put effort into doing it when he doesn't appreciate any of it

We argue a lot now mainly over cleaning or money but I will try and reasonably talk and he goes psycho shouting and screaming and insulting me really badly and throwing things, once smashed a lamp, threatened to smash my computer/phone/kick my dog, I obviously get upset and scared and cry and then he does impressions of me crying like "wash waaah grow up", calls me a c**t a lot or fat and ugly all the time when he's mad

He's addicted to a computer game and I barely see or speak to him anymore cos he refuses to come off it. I suggested we watch a movie together and he agreed to a time but that time came and he was in a game so said let's watch movie tomorrow I promise. We didn't watch the next day cos of his game again then he doesn't understand why I'm upset. Also when I say anything he will say "what?" Even though I know he heard it and when I refuse to repeat it he answers the original question so he did hear!

Anyway last weekend I left a crisp packet and drink bottle on my bed and he came to bed so I put them on the bedside table since he was moaning how tired he was. Next morning he sees them on table instead of bin and flips. Goes crazy and came close and screamed in my ear then got a binbag and put all rubbish from upstairs bins into it and then threw it at me, it exploded and I was covered in food and sauce then he did a crying impression of me and said he hates me and that I'm a c* etc... I cleared all rubbish up then he offered to buy me a takeaway and acts as if nothing happened!? I was terrified he was going to hit me so I was curled in a ball for most of this

When I told him I thought it was abuse he asked for the engagement ring back and said it wasn't abuse and blah blah more shouting at me cos I accuse him of abuse. He says it's only abuse if he hits me

This was abuse right? :(

Of course he can see what he's doing!! It's tempting to think that he lives in some non-understanding bubble and he'll go back to the fake 'lovely guy' act, but it's clear that he got you to move in under false pretences, made you dependent on him, is bored with you, and is now giving you the harsh treatment in the hope that you'll walk out and save him the bother.

You've posted about him before haven't you? I recognise the objections you're putting in the way of getting yourself out. The dog that is nervous around strangers?

As you're in an abusive relationship you can contact Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 and get their advice on how to get yourself away to a refuge. You won't be the only person who wants to keep their pet.

And BTW, smashing up inanimate objects IS physical violence and is a strong marker for him moving on to being directly violent towards you.

Throwing things (especially disgusting things like rubbish) at you is physical abuse.

Screaming right up in your face is intimidating and is a very physical kind of verbal abuse.

You said in your OP that in at least one argument you were scared he was going to hit you. That is worrying, even if he didn't - your instincts are there for a reason.

cogito agreeing that he does not want to own the fact that he wants out of the relationship and is doing everything apart from saying so to the "op" I am just frightened in case he does "snap" and hit her in one of his rages.There are always emergency properties available on Social Housing lists they have to keep some available by law for such eventualities so get yourself to the Office's asap registering can be done there and then,just mention abuse and you will be directed same for your animals they can be given temporary foster care whilst you get straight or ring your parents and get them to collect you and then maybe your dad can have "a little word in his ear" like my OH did to an x partner of our DD - sorted.

I don't think he will go. Not any time soon, but there's hope.
So, prepare for having to leave, even if your family has no room.

At this stage, I wouldn't engage about who needs to change. I'd just call it a day.

You might struggle if you were to just put yourself on the list from where you are but if you contact your local HAs and council they may be able to find you something or contact the WA. I was given a WA place (but my parents wouldn't let me take it) and I wasn't physically abused either. In the end I managed to get a place with a HA very quickly.

Oh gosh... Give him back his ring and tell him to fuck off.