Advice on Sex & Orgasms

[WhatToDoNext33]

I wondered if anyone else cannot achieve an orgasm?

I have had several partners, including DH, but never have.

It didn't bother me at all in the past, I enjoyed sex, the closeness, etc.

But .... it does now? I am mid thirties and suddenly its all I think about.

I had a "talk" with DH about 12 months ago, about how things had changed down below after children and the things that were working were not anymore, (I fibbed - I didn't want to hurt his feelings). He knew something was wrong so accepted this talk and we have since tried everything. Oral sex, (I hated this before), touching, more foreplay, different foreplay, different positions, everything we can think of - and nothing. I really don't even get close.

We have tried all the supposed positions that work for a woman - nothing, not even "on top" - I feel nothing.

I then; without telling my DH bought a bullet, and wow, it works but this is after reading some erotic stories first and this usually take me an hour sometimes.

I can't incorporate this into my sex life with DH as I can't imagine sitting there reading then turning to DH.

How do I tell my DH that I can - but with a sex toy? I didn't even tell him I had bought?

How can I take less time to reach orgasm.

Practice.

The more you get to know the sort of stimulation required, the more you will also recognize the building sensations and how to keep them building until...
Why not suggest a sex toy to your DH, then introduce it if he is fine with trying it on you - could be quite exciting for you both?
A lot of people have probably engaged in regular masturbation while single so by the time they get to a relationship are familiar with the sensations already, perhaps this was not the case for you - just the way you are, no right or wrong with either way.
Also, I found that suddenly the body can change and behave differently and happily much better about late 30's on so in a few years time things may change for the better anyway.
Don't get obsessed by the thought though, having a loving and understanding DH is worth its weight in gold :-)

Practice practice practice !!

Sounds to me that you need to take the time to get to know your own body and your husband has no hope of bringing you to orgasm if you can't easily do that yourself. Work out what touch works and when, mix it up a bit and don't just rely on cliteral stimulation or penetration alone. Different areas within have different affects and I have a couple of 'G spots', for want of a better expression.

My sex life is fab, we have both taken the time to communicate what we like and train the other to be fabulous in bed! I can honestly say that I orgasm every time. We use toys and for us, foreplay is the main event. He always ensures I climax, usually before he does as when he's climaxed he's too knackered to finish me off after.

I think now is a hood time to suggest you both l

...look into getting some sex toys. We have a variety. I've ditched many a bibrator fate only a couple of tries because it doesn't vibrate at the correct frequency to do anything. Keep batteries fresh too.

Whatever you do, don't hide your desire to try sex toys. You need to both be able to communicate fully and frankly. Don't be afraid to change where he touches, make sure he's fully happy for you to guide him.

The start though is in getting to know your own body without him.

Blimey an hour with a bullet? it takes me what feels like seconds!

(the bullet orgasms are different to the ones I get from sex. Dh also can only bring me to orgasm by his hands, I always enjoy sex though.

Sounds like you need tp really get to know yourself. .what turns you on and keep your dh in the loop.

Have you tried a vibrating cock ring? Durex do some good ones for about £7 and you can buy them in Boots, Superdrug etc..... the first time I used one of those I hit the roof.

Best used in reverse cowgirl with the vibrating bullet on your clit. Really helps to get me "going" if other methods aren't working.

Practice!! Masturbate often and take the time to get to know your body. I bought the ultimate o from Ann Summers and trust me it has to be the best £40 I have ever spent. Its designed specifically to bring you to clitoral orgasm...at the very least you will be able to recognise the sensations that mean you are reaching orgasm and help you and your husband reach it.

Talk to your DH let him know what feels good, he'll love it

Plus my DP loves using it on me but I understand that may not be for everyone.

Its hard when this is constantly going round your mind but do try to relax and just enjoy the sensations...orgasm is not essential every time you have sex.

Enjoy :)

Thanks everyone I'm going to try and bring up the subject tonight and ask him if we can use the bullet next time we have sex.

I might bottle it though ....

Or you could suggest you both look at toys together so he feels part of the process and not rejected

I orgasm easily everytime and have since teens but would just whack out the toys, get him to tell me erotic stories, have lots of oral/69 and play with fingers or toys on clit during sex. Just do it as life is too short to worry about.