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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me find a path...please

3 replies

AliBean · 20/01/2014 20:56

I posted nearly 2 years ago. Most people told me to LTB. I discovered I was PG with DS2 days after finally posting.
I didn't LTB.
Wish I had.
I am so royally stuck now I have no clue what to do. I understand why people jump off cliffs.
My DP was involved in a business. It failed. He is liable for £250k Personal Guarantee. He has 6 CCJs for unpaid credit cards. And CCJ for PG too.
I started a little biz from home 2.5 years ago. Therapy after PND and extra cash as totally hand to mouth. DP joined biz after 2 months (was made redundant) and we have worked together ever since. DP works 6hrs a day (at the most) 5 days per week. He does get up early (baker) but once home barely does anything else. We have 2 DSs 4 &1. Also DSS 18 lives here. He spends more time with the little boys than their dad.
Today DP came home in a grump. Had been drinking. Told me its over. He is not happy.
I have all the borrowing for the biz in my name (£20k) and at the moment couldn't physically do it on my own. My sons need me to be with them.
If DP goes he won't until I give him at least £1000 to ease his exit.
The whole thing is huge mess and I don't know what to do. Sad Sad Sad

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 20/01/2014 21:37

If the business is yours, in your name, and DP an "employee" rather than a business partner - then let him go and employ someone with the salary that would have gone to him.

Also seek advice (CAB or similar) about any benefits you may get as a single parent to see if they will cover any childcare costs. Have you any family who would help out with childcare?

Try to find a solicitor who offers half hour free advice just so you're clear on where you stand re the business.

And it sounds as though you will be well rid of him. As for giving him any money to help him on his way - tell him to do one. His debts and CCJs are his problem.

Concentrate on making a fresh start with your business for you and your DCs.

Walkacrossthesand · 20/01/2014 23:33

Sounds a bit bizarre, that he wants to go but somehow thinks you should pay him to do so? Hmm Sounds like you're in Aus, do you have access to business/legal advice? I hope you're not liable for any of his debt - the business loan sounds like enough of a headache! Remember, you're not responsible for DP, much as he would like you to be..,,

iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 20/01/2014 23:37

AB

I would make an appointment to see the Business Manager at your bank and get them to do the donkey work for you and find out how you can resolve the business situation. Where there's a will there's a way! I'd also see the CAB, a Solicitor and Rights of Women which is a charity offering free legal advice to women so you know where you stand legally.

Alongside this, complete a claim for benefits online and your local job Centre will call you to arrange an appointment to see a Lone Parent Advisor who can tell you what, if anything, you might be entitled to claim; possibly Income Support/Job Seekers Allowance, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit, Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits/Working Families Tax Credits etc etc. Also, is the bakery job part of your business or paid employment for another company? You can work out what child maintenance he would be required to pay at the Child Maintenance Options website.

If there is no way to salvage the business on the terms you want then you have to look at the bigger picture and decide if you can continue to live like this or not. One option, if you decide you can't, is to arrange an Individual Voluntary Arrangement, here is a link for more info:

www.gov.uk/options-for-paying-off-your-debts/individual-voluntary-arrangements

Obviously you want your children to stay with you, as you say, but you might be able to get some work that fits in with childcare options or it is worth turning things about on their head and thinking about retraining to do something else. Whilst the future is uncertain and as scary as this maybe it can also be a good time to make your life how you want it to be!

FWIW, I was in business with my XH, we separated and I gave him the business and kept the house, went to college and am now in my final year at Uni and can honestly say that it is the best decision I ever made.

if I can help at all with info or whatever then get in touch via PM.

Best of luck to you!

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