need reassurance im doing the right thing

[morgs22]

Me and my partner of 3 years have split up 3 weeks ago as I didn't see him for almost a month before xmas, I went on his fb and saw he had messaged his friend saying he was going round some girls house for new years. When I confronted him about it he said he lied to his friend and it was an excuse to not go round his house. I am 6 months pregnant atm its an unplanned pregnancy and before falling pregnant we had separated for a little while because he never had time for me. He came clean that he had met this woman when we were apart and that nothing happened between them and that they only talked (meaning they still had contact) he deleted her number but doesn't understand why I cant move past it and says we will never work out if I don't trust him. I told him I need time away from him nc for a while until I get past the initial hurt so we can eventually be civil but hes using the pregnancy as an excuse to text me and try to see me then gets annoyed with me when I get upset or angry. We were supposed to be moving in together and now I have to find somewhere to live, save a deposit, move, get all the baby things and face raising a baby by myself. Moving house is stressful enough but trying to do it while pregnant is too much. AIBU to ask him to leave me alone until im ready to talk to him?

So you were together for 3 years but you fell out and separated and he met someone else. He ditched the other person so that he could get back with you - was that before you got pregnant?

Is he trying to get back with you just because you are pregnant with his child or because he loves you?

We were getting back together when I fell pregnant, he says he wants to be with me regardless of the baby and says he loves me. Before xmas we went to see a priest to talk about getting blessed so I dont understand why he kept contact with her or 'lied' to his friend about seeing her. I asked him if he really didn't want to go to the party why didn't he say he was with me his pregnant gf. I love him to bits and I want to believe him but I dont know if ill ever trust him or if I only feel this way because the hormones are making everything worse

Do any of his mates have children? Do you think he is somehow in denial about being a father?

I think you are perfectly justified in telling him to back off for a while, but give him a time, say 3 weeks no contact. It's a good idea, you need to take care of yourself emotionally.

The thing you have to remember is that if he is the child's father he will always be linked to you and the child and somehow you have to make it work - whether you are apart or together. You both need to decide how you want the future of this child to go, where you want to live, how much contact you want from him.

It may be that he's in a panic at the moment because he thinks he will never get to see his child, some women do this (I think it's wrong but hey ho). So perhaps by giving him 3 weeks of no contact and commit to a really serious discussion at the end of that time he will feel reassured that you're not going to do a runner but that you are very serious about making the right decision about him.

The friend he lied to has 3 children and has recently broke up with his wife and is having issues with seeing the children and her generally just being a bitch. He keeps saying im gonna do that if we dont work out. I do think hes having a first time dad crisis, hes said he wants to be young and go out drinking and doing whatever whenever with no responsibilities. He goes uni p/t and all his uni friends are 20/21 hes 26. i told him to go be young and get it out of his system but I dont want to know him until hes ready to be a real father

Thanks that gives me a better picture - sorry for all the questions. I think at that age it terrifies them, as it probably slightly terrifies you as well. I assume this is your first?

Yeah its my first and I am beyond terrified, hes acting like hes the only 1 that's scared and ive tried to explain that im scared too but he thinks im completely calm and ready for this.

Don't be terrified, I'm sure you will be fine and you are doing exactly the right thing by being firm with your partner and putting yourself and your baby first. And congratulations on your pregancy :)

I think at that age men/boys are quite often more interested in their mates than anyone else, but it might be very very different when the baby comes along. It's a big thing to happen to you both, but it won't be the end of everything, it might be the making of you - you just never know.

Give him 3 weeks to sort himself out and if he can't commit after that you are going to have to go it alone. Find as much support as you can from family. Consider moving to an area where you think you will be happy bringing up a child, somewhere you feel comfortable and where you can get support, whether it's with or without your partner.