Self conscious and comepletely Jealous of OH's bestfriend

[Hettyfeathers]

I am about 5ft 7 at a push and weigh 9 and a half stone, I have never been happy with my own body and I have started trying to correct that this year. Oh has had a best female friend for years now and whilst she is lovely I cannot help but be jealous of her, she is much taller than I am and skinny, she has a lovely figure think model looking !

Oh only sees her as a friend and I certainly know he would never cheat on me, yet I cannot help but feel I am not good enough especially if we go anywhere that involves dressing up. She always looks so fab and again it leaves me thinking why isn't he with her ?

I don't suppose there was much point to this post I needed to get it off my chest it's not something I want to discuss with OH, we have in the past and he just tells me im being silly and that he only wants me. I have always been jealous I suppose, or envious is perhaps a better term of women who have fantastic figures ! I have big hips and thighs, no matter how much exercise I do my thighs do not drop in size, they just get more muscly.

Is it common to be jealous over partners friends ? I really like her and we are good friends, but I cannot shake this feeling of not being good enough when ever we are around her.

I think the key thing here is that you say you feel like this about any other woman you come into contact with who has a "better" figure than you.

At some level you have taken on board the message that appearance is the most important thing about a woman. If you want to get past this, I think the key is not dieting, exercise or exercises in overcoming jealousy, but looking at why you've internalised that message and finding ways to break free of it.

Do you read women's/celebrity magazines? If so, stop. They are one of the worst for reinforcing this and making women feel they are not good enough. Try reading some feminist literature on the subject matter. If books like Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth or even Caitlyn Moran's How to Be A Woman aren't quite your thing, "google body image and women's self esteem" (or something similar) to find less in-depth articles about it.

Every day, tell yourself at least 5 things about yourself that are non-appearance related and make you feel good about yourself. Get your DH to do the same.

If it's really getting to you, you could consider counselling, but you sound as though this is a minor, if niggling, worry rather than a major hangup, so I think a little insight and some positive thinking could go a long, long way.

Good luck.

Tell you what, nothing more off putting than an insecure woman so it's a self esteem issue you have here. You're going to come across a lot of attractive women in your lifetime so I'd work hard on that self esteem, if losing weight gives you that then go for it although I am 5,3 and weight 10 stone and I'm a size 12 and am perfectly happy that way, I can't imagine you being any more than a size 10?

It's fine to feel the occasional twinge of jealousy, for anyone but if you feel it's dominating your life then you need to seek help.

Your OH wants to be with you, surely you know that a relationship can't survive on looks alone, it takes more than that.

If all you are worried about is the physical side you are fine. Why do you think your OH is with you? He didn't see the faults you do. He saw what is inside as well. I know which I think is more important. I wonder if your OH is a Brad Pitt look-a-like? No? So why aren't you with his good looking male BF instead? In short, I think you both see more than skin deep. Perhaps you need to connect a little more at the moment, as this has clearly festered and is knocking your confidence. Try sharing books or going out together for date nights? Good luck.

Do you really think your OH is that shallow?

You like her and you're good friends. DP is with you not her. If he's known her for years he must have had the opportunity to ask her out. She got a say in it too. Maybe he's not her type?

It is true imo beauty is only skin deep. Very often defining what attracts us to our partner is complex. Think long and hard about what set DP apart from other men. If you can't relax in other women's company you are going to be very uncomfortable for years to come.

You can't be more than a size ten? BMI in healthy zone, what's the problem?

P.s some people do just have larger thighs, me I do. Doesn't matter how much exercise I do or how much weight I loose, proportionally my thighs are bigger than the rest of me. IYSWIM. So even if I'm a slinky size 8 I've got big thighs for a size 8.

Some people have thin thighs and some people have wider thighs. My DD will never have thin thighs! She was born on the 25th centile for weight but the 75th for length and yet she already had juicy thighs. It's just the way she's built. She has very strong legs.

Don't yearn to be someone you never can be: learn to love yourself and make the very best of what you've got! If that means losing 3 or 4 kg, go for it.

The funniest thing about this op, is I'm about your height, slightly taller but I must be 12 stone (I'm Aussie so not sure of the conversion!). I have slim legs but I've always been bigger in the belly.

If you were friends with my oh, I'd probably be jealous of you!

Somewhere theres probably a girl with a different shape again that's jealous of me!

It's exhausting to compare yourself, there is always someone we think is better and someone we think is worse, no matter how pretty you are.

If love were all about looks, the film stars would all have long, happy marriages - last time I looked that weren't the case.

Too many posters are buying into the idea that the best friend is more attractive than the OP, which we have no reason to think!

Your figure sounds lovely and slim. You've bought into the notions of attractiveness pushed by the (female and gay) fashion industry, not heterosexual men. I don't know many men who list tall and skinny as their ideal (and jesus, the number who have a thing about strong thighs to wrap around them...). Even looked at objectively, it's entirely likely that your DP is far more sexually attracted to you than his lanky friend. Plus add in the fact that he's err, with you, and it looks even more likely that he genuinely finds you attractive.

I don't think this is about your DP at all. You need to ask yourself why you've brought into such a fashionista view of women's attractiveness which is nothing about their sexuality.

Thank you for all of the replies, I have read every single one, and I agree it's more an issue with me and how I view myself than my partner. He has never done anything to suggest he isn't attracted to me, yet I seemed to have formed this idea myself.

I'm not comfortable in my skin but like many have said comparing myself to others will certainly not help what so ever. I will have a look at some of the books suggested, many of the comments have given me a kick up the bum I needed to try and look at things differently.