Red flags in my friend's relationship? Is this PA behaviour?

[Vixxxen]

I went to visit my friend and her 7 week old baby, her partner was there and although he seemed very hands on and loving fatherhood, he made some comments that made me , little things like telling my friend that she should stick to public transport and not to attempt to learn how to drive since her mum's driving skills are awful...also saying to the 'baby' in a nice way that just because mum had guests at home, she was behaving like a guest herself... (He said this because my friend was asking him to get her snacks, drinks, clean dummy etc and he was busy in the kitchen anyway). Also when he went to serve juice to my dd, he noticed that it was 4 days out of date and mentioned to her that SHE should be on top of the valid date on the food in the fridge. He was pleasant and nice and polite all the time but I know that I wouldn't want my partners discouraging me or blaming me for silly things when I was a new mum so maybe I am being oversensitive? Or is this what is called passive agressive behaviour? Sorry I am on my phone now.

It's called 'being a self-righteous, offensive twat'... Passive aggressive if you prefer. Hope you stuck up for your friend and told him to stop being such a PITFA....

I would be concerned about this too, and I think it is PA. Not that she'll thank you for pointing it out...

I stuck up for her about the driving thing. We were both making plans and encouraging each other and promissing we would be driving by the end of the year and I was really shocked by his lack of support. And what her mum's driving ability got to do with anything? He took the opportunity to also slag her mum off?? It is the second time I meet him so couldn't really confrotate him. I am not planning on tell her my opinions but will be there for her if she ever needs. As I dont know the dynamics of her relationship I wonder if a new baby is changing the way he behaves? They haven't been together for long and the baby was unplanned.

Did she looked shocks by the remarks? Pull him up? Roll her eyes or seem embarrassed? If the answer is 'no' then it's probably because she's used to it. And if he treats her like that in front of visitors, imagine the comments when there's no-one there....

'shocked' not 'shocks'

Abusive men often get worse after a child yes.

Huum, I think she just smiled away and didn't confront him when he did these remarks...in fact she even agreed with him when he was talking about the juice being out of date in the fridge, he said "we can't take any chances" and then she agreed and repeated what he said.

I was thinking all the way back home, how nice he seems and how well he treated us, so he can't be such PA and maybe I am over reacting and so on...until I remembered how my exH was a real charming guy for the outside world, everyone thought he was amazing, but I was the one who knew his other side...however I used to think that if he could be so nice and kind to everyone else but not me, obviously it was MY fault, there was clearly something wrong with ME....

Anyway, she is a very sweet person who hates confrontation and will do whatever it takes to avoid it.

I am the opposite. If a partner tells me to pay more attention to the 'use by date' of the goods in the fridge, cupboard, whatever, I will just tell them that they can do exactly the same and in fact this will be their duty from now on, since they obviously a better than me at this.

But I have had a rough time in the past so I really watch out for any unwanted behaviour.

Sweet, conflict-averse women who have their dial set to 'people-pleasing' are not going to stand a cat in hell's chance against a domineering bully...

I shall keep watching...

I remember they went to change the baby's nappy and him decided to change his outfit.
He than started to say how all the clothes my friend's mum brought from her home country were ugly and outdated and how he hated it and dropped it straight in the charity shop...I mean really? Who cares about new born fashion that much?