Annoying sil and family issues money business etc

[Bedtime1]

My husbands family are ambitious particularly one sister but with that she's just bossy and tries to takeover and muscle in on everything .

My husband has his own company which he's been quite successful and worked in this field for years and eventually set up his own company in it. His dad retired from his own business but different industry and did very well. Therefore he wanted my husband to use the money in the dad's company to invest etc my husband has all expertise as it's same field husband is in. He's been doing it for his dad for about 8 years and getting paid etc and one off payments. Now comes other family members . They have degrees but not done much . She does abut if admin. (This requires 3 hours a week) that's it for company. She has no expertise at all in this field. Anyway the dad wants to pay all kids a payout each year and they get a small salary.

Anyway the dad is changing things up and wants to give my husband more money for various deal he finds and all of a sudden now she wants in. After 8 years of him running it all. She wants to come to these meeting etc and she knows nothing about it all. I think it takes the piss.

What do you all think? Then she gives herself all these posh names and she only does a bit of admin.. Where as husband has all qualifications.

Why does she suddenly want to get so involved.

I'm sick of going to family meals .
Would you be a bit annoyed

I'm not sure how this tax thing works.

Of course I'd give my child money but I'm the wife of my husband and I just want to know why she now all of a sudden wants to go to these meetings/ deals when she couldn't ever do it as she's not qualified so has nothing to offer being there. Why do you thinks she wants to go then? Jealous of my husband, sticking Oar in? She knows she could never do what he does. I don't get it. All I see though is her giving herself titles about the company and she hasn't done a thing, trying to take credit. Then she goes round criticising others and acting spoilt, without a care for anyone's feelings, bossing people about. Confidence is good but it shows a persons character when it goes to there head doesn't it.
He obviously wants to do the things he's good at and carry on but then she takes piss. Yes I guess I will have to accept it but I don't fancy being around her.

I've never said anything patronising to her though.she has to me. No I don't work there because it doesn't even have a building offices etc. home offices etc. because it's investments but the deals done produce quite large sums. There wouldn't be a job for me. I'm not qualified to do it. With the admin there's not much to do.

You sounded patronising about her here, that's why it sounds like you're like that to each other. But I don't know.

Why is she acting as she is? Well, who knows.

Look, she might be daddy's spoilt little princess who does f* all, lazy cow who's just creaming off his money and likes the idea of calling herself "Portfolio & Client Relation Manager" instead of "Post Opener".

Or, she might have happily trotted doing some admin cos she's interested when she didn't even have to - as she was already getting money from daddy - and now she's interested and thinking "I could make a go of this" and is keen. She could get qualified. Maybe she's going to meetings to shadow it to decide if she has interest and aptitude and with the expansion there might be a different role for her.

What's most important is that neither of those descriptions - spoilt lazy princess or always interested but more lately ambitious affect your lot.

Do you know the phrase "envy is the thief of joy"?

Why is this bothering you do much?

So she's got a rich dad and has been financially lucky as a result - whatever.

Are you jealous of her potential status and potential opportunities?

Big leap here... Are you unfulfilled professionally yourself? Why not put your energy into thinking about making YOUR work better for you - and forget about hers!

We'll yes she has been lucky but she's said some unkind things to me in the past. She thinks she's it and now trying to gain credit off other peoples achievements. I don't have a rich family no. Yes there's more id like to do professionally too. I just feel like my husband will let her take advantage of him and he's never really stood by me when she made lots of critical remarks, particularly about work etc. it's like pot and kettle etc.

OK, so your husband is the issue, not her.
So why not channel the mental energy you're wasting on her into sorting things out with him?
And working out what changes you'd like to make at work. Does your husband's business making more money mean than you could afford to train for a new direction, or take a leap of faith changing jobs, or start something up yourself?
Forget her. Concentrate on you, and on how he treats you.

So she wants to possibly expand her career after having a more general role and you don't like it?

Tbh this is between your husband, SIL and FIL.

It would be good if you could get a legal document clarifying whose company is whose and whose money is whose just in case something happens to your FIL. Because the companies are a bit interlinked and you wouldn't want to lose your share. Who knows what your FIL's will says if he has a will (but DH will prob not want to do this).

Could you tell DH that if something happens to him, DH, you might be excluded and be left with very little so could he get something in writing about his share and write a will.

Apart from that it sounds as if your DH will kowtow to whatever his family wants. The SIL sounds jealous of you (she seems to think you have had an easier life than her), I can't see why else she would bitch at you but really you would be best to keep in with her if you can bear to because that would probably give you an easier life. As it is just you against the family you won't get anyone to change I shouldn't think, unfortunately.

Try to keep busy with your own life and leave them to get on with it.

Thanks everyone for replies. I do need to focus on my llife and try and keep on that track rather than being distracted .
I think her life's been easy . Mine has been quite difficult. I've not had any parents help to bail me out of things and I don't get handouts from mine . My own family is quite dysfunctional ( narcisstic parent) that's why I'm also on stately homes thread. My own family have shown or alot of jealousy towards me . I suppose we all can be at times when life is hard to make money and other issues you encounter.
Thing is I'm suprised at the sil showing jealousy as she has it easy money wise but I guess that doesn't always follow . I also suffer with anxiety. Etc which makes my life un bearable at times and hard to get on in life. I struggle with travelling .
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I am quite an insecure person and when she makes comments I find it hard to deal with and just to let it go . Particularly when I think why have to be jealous and belittle someone who is finding life tough. I think she has life far easier than me. Then there's the taking over everything . She will try to boss husband . Hopefully he will stick up for himself .

Who's business does she want involved in your dh or fil?

If she isn't qualified she can't do anything.

If its fil's then I think she's watching her inheritance so that when fil dies she can take a share and not just ur dh.

fil investment business. My husband runs that . its not a daily business. She is in it, she does some paperwork but husband makes all the money.
I think things have changed recently as fil wants to give husband share in profit as he makes all money. So you might be right as he'd get more than her and less shared for inheritance . That could be it.

Maybe your husband could gracefully step aside and let her take over.

Then he can spend more time and money building up his own business.

See what happens when she starts doing the deals on her own....

She gets plenty anyway . There would be more for future with what my husband does. She's not happy with her already generous lot.

I know she wouldn't be able too. I think he thinks he can handle her anyway.
He's been doing this 20 years in total . Then 8 with fathers one . Own business 12 year ish .
Anyway she can try on her own! He will carry on with what he's doing. That's what he wants . I can see why as he thinks he can do well and fil respects what he's done! She's going to look a bit silly but let her.

Not good but I guess she sees the £ and wants more of it. She also wants a career for herself by the sounds of it. I don't think there is anything at all you can do about it either. You might aswell change your perspective on the situation otherwise it will be a ball round your ankle.

If there's one thing I would recommend for you it would be cbt to help you to stop focusing on the negative and with the other little probs you've mentioned.

Good luck!

As sure as night follows day families will circle when there is money involved. My DB has a renewed brotherly interest in me since I recently was put in charge of the purse strings for our mother. On our now oh so more frequent outings he talks mainly about all his money problems .

I otoh am just enjoying a nice lunch out and find it all quite entertaining.

Bahummbug - that's what's happened with my family too actually. Mum an dad always talking about money problems etc

It is so see-through though isn't it Bedtime . Since I was put in charge of this (significant) amount of money from a house sale , aswell as my DBros 'hintfest' lunches where he details to the penny how much he could do with to get out of his problems , I also have my adult SS1 rattling off to the penny how much his negative equity is on his house (a few thousand) and how 'if only he could raise that lump sum he could buy the bigger house he now needs' . Every single bloody conversation. Started around the time DH mentioned in passing to him about the house sale and me being POA.
They are both wasting their time though as morally and legally I cant do anything with this money whilst mum is still with us , except use it for her needs and expenses. Then it will be mine , or whatever's left will be at least.
I secretly hope she lives to be a 100