Ex not bothering with kids.

[lou8]

Ill try and keep it brief:

around 2 years ago me and my boy's father split, he moved out...very civil split, we were friends afterwards and often talked on the phone although he was never really that interested in his kids.

About 3 months later he met a woman at work 20 years older than himself, she was married with 4 kids, one of them the same age as him...I thought it was a bit odd but wasn't really bothered, just told him to keep the kids out of the way of her nutty husband! Since they met though he stopped speaking to me and became very arrogent, even going as far as to openly take the p*ss out of me when ever I phoned and she was there.

About 2 months after that she left her hubby and they moved in together with 3 of her kids. At first he used to make excuses about having the boys over every fortnight like we agreed but on the whole he was ok about it, the boys get on well with her and her kids too which is great.

Now however, he makes it obvious that he has little interest in the boys and only has them once a fortnight because he feels he has to, I have to drive them to their house, pick them up (they have a car too so could help out a little), he doesnt have them until gone lunch time on a saturday (ok he works friday night so that's understandable) but he also texts me to pick them up early on sunday too (2pm etc) even though he is not at work sunday night.

He doesnt phone them AT ALL inbetween these visits, if I text him about the boy's he ignores my text and when I told him our sons sat's results I just got a "oh right, cya" on the phone

When they're at his house he doesnt really bother with them, plonks them in front of the playstation or gets his gf's older children to watch them in the other room while he watches tv and what has really wound me up is that he knows we're going on holiday tomorow and has not given the boys any 'pocket money' to go away with or even so much as phoned to wish them a good time

Am I over-reacting?? How would you deal with this?

Sounds to me as if he's cutting them out of his life. How do they feel about the visits, do they enjoy them? If not I would cancel them. Your's and the children's happiness is paramount. I'm separated from my h at the moment and he only sees our two ds's twice a week and it's me doing the rest so I know how important it is that he plays a more important role, but at the moment he doesn't seem to want to have them on his own, but I'm going to insist. Could you not tell him how you feel once you've asked the boys about it. He should be playing some part in their lives. But remember it has to be one that isn't going to upset you or them on a regular basis.

Thanks, I wasn't sure if there would be anyone up at this time!

To be honest the kid's don't really notice his attitude as he's always been like it with them, even when he lived here he would never take them out on his own and would only come out with us if pushed into it.

I feel so sad for them, they've never had a 'proper' dad who takes them to the football etc

They seem to enjoy the visits but only because they get on so well with her 9 year old son, at the moment it's a novelty to them to have a 'step brother'.

What is a phonecall though? would it hurt him to phone them now and again? even if it was just on the weekend he doesnt have them...I'm not expecting it every night. He didn't even phone to ask how our 5 year old's first day at school went

morning lou, my ex is exactly like this. wont go into thefully story but basically our 21month old has had health probs since birth and hes had sporadic access due to dragging me through courts all the time. this year my ds has been in andout ofhospital while being diagnosed and my constant grumble to my gp and solicitor was that he doesnt phone, email or anything to enquire after his sons health! it would really frustrate me, even when son had been admitted and had horrible tests he didnt ring!nor did his mother.

my solicitor told him that a lot of my bad feeling towards him was because of his lack of concern towards ds and put it in writing that i would welcome email or phone contact to show his commitment. he still didnt do anything!finally i phoned him and spoke to him and at last he is making a bit of effort, mind you with a final hearing for access looming i dont know if it will continue after the court date!

men are twats who only think of themselves

sorry i waffled and didnt answer your message!

if their happy with the visits and her 9year old boy then try and relax and enjoy your time off. theyl realise when they get older that dad doesnt bother with them.would piss me off him not giving them any pocket money for the holiday.

my mates exhubby did this, she actually rang him up and asked him outright for some money. she said she honestly thought that it didnt even cross his mind to do it. like i said, men are ok as long as they are ok and sod everyone else

ooooo i sound like a man hater

If the boys are ok with this perhaps it is more about you being hurt that he is behaving like a t*er. Really though it is rare to get fathers who wish to see their kids and you cannot make him see them.

I would say minimise it all to your kids and let them know that you are there for them and you are strong and supportive. My X moans about lack of ability to contact kids by phone but wont pay anything at all towards their mobiles! Men are often all mouth about seeing their kids but rarely commit in economic terms to their welfare.

7up is right. The children will make a desion to cut him out when they are older.

My ex husband sees DD's for 2 weeks a year. So I know exactly how you feel. I refuse to say a bad thing about him infront of the girls as I know they will realise what a plank he is when they are grown up.

Its so sad