insecure children - can We help?

[jasper]

I am part of a close knit group of six mums with 14 young kids between us.
We care about each other deeplY and look out for one another and our kids ( who are all great friends)

Recently one of the group had a passionate but short lived affair.

We could all see it coming for miles. It lasted a month till her dh found out. To cut a long story short the husband and wife are making a go of it . The rest of us in the group are concerned about the kids, aged 3,7,8.

They seem withdrawn and sad with no personality.

What if anything can we do to help?
Is this a normal reaction for kids who expected their parents to separate? (it nearly happened )
Do we keep our noses out or do something practical and positive?
Any thoughts gratefully received?

I wouldn't 'do' anything as such - but try and maintain normality as much as possible for them. So whatever you do as a group - days out, time round each others' houses...keep doing it.

Their little worlds have been rocked and it will take some time for them to feel secure again.

I agree. My niece and nephew are a bit like that after mummy (my sister) went off with another bloke. They are now giving it another try and I think the kids worry about them arguing again etc (they are 5 & 8) but all you can do is try and be as normal as possible. With my niece and nephew, I just make sure they get some fun days out and stuff but there's nothing you can really say to make them feel better, it just takes time.

I'm no expert so feel free to ignore what I say, but I think adults are sometimes guilty of carrying on as normal to make children feel secure, when in fact kids are very much aware that things are not normal and need to have this talked about and their feelings acknowledged.

Don't know how this would fit in with your situation Jasper, as you no doubt have to follow the lead of their parents. Could you mention your impression of how the kids are and see what they suggest?

Actually, I agree with Mog. I did speak to the kids about it and sort of got told by other family members I shouldn't. They did seem upset talking about it so that and what my family said made me think I did the wrong thing however thinking about it, as adults we can get upset about stuff when talk about it yet it all helps get over it doesn't it?

I suppose it depends on what your relationship is like as to whether or not you say anything. Obviously you have to be careful not to loose your friend.

I've been no help at all have I Just wanted to respond to Mog's post really