Pregnant and don't know what to do

[MummyIsMagic79]

This is a long story...

DH and I have been together 11 years, married for 7 years this year. Have DCs of 7, 4 and 1.
In 2012, DH had an affair while I was pregnant with DC3, with a friend of mine. (Some of you might remember my threads). Meh has worked hard. Read, relate, transparency, open to talking, anything I asked really. Things on am even keel for a while now. Affair feels very much 'in the past', now.
Anyway... Stupidly, I have realised I'm around six weeks pregnant. We have both reluctantly realised that we cannot afford it, don't have room for it, and the risks to my health are vast (bed rest from 28 weeks last time, with significant pain and risk to me and DC3).
DS1 and 2 share a room. If this baby was a boy, there is NO room for it in with them. Dad has a box room. If baby was a girl there's NO room for it there either. We rent so no opportunity for future extension/loft conversion, and rebtals for a 4 bedroom house nearby are a jump of £300+ per month in rent. Something we couldn't cover. DH works FT and I work PT.
Have an initial consultation appt with bpas on Thursday afternoon. DH coming with me.
Basically, there are myriad reasons why not to go ahead and no real reasons why we should go ahead. But we both feel really shit about it. I know we have been stupid and irresponsible. There is pretty much no way we can do it, but we both just feel glum.
Any advice?

You cannot lay the law down about what is a 'good enough' reason for not having a child. You can only speak for yourself. Not having enough room, enough money, enough energy are perfectly valid reasons for not having a child in my book, just as poor health is.

I know it was daft to get pregnant again, but we made a mistake. It happens. I'm gutted.

There really isn't enough room or money. I didn't think I needed to expand on health risks but I will, although I feel as though I'm 'explaining myself'.

During my third pregnancy, I developed vulval varices. They started at about 15 weeks. They steadily became worse.
My consultant said they were the worst she'd ever seen, and she is a renowned professor of obstetrics. By the time I was around 28 weeks pregnant I was unable to be on my feet for longer than about ten minutes without agony, and immobility due to the size of the varice when it filled.
My consultant brought me into hospital for a few dad to try and control my pain, but it was impossible. It was 3 days in bed, which was at a 30 degree head down tilt, which eradicated the pain and gave my veins and tissues a rest, but then when I stood up finally, after 3 days in bed, the sudden rush of blood to the area and rapid filling of the vein caused me to pass out through pain and shock.
Eventually I couldn't sit down and had to pretty much lie vertical from 32 weeks. I had been ordered bed rest from way before but it was impossible with two DC and DH working long hours. He took as much time off as he could but he could only take so much.
By the end of my pregnancy, external rupture of the vein had become a real risk. I was told if this happened it would cause life threatening bleeding as the vein was dilated to about the size of my thumb by then. I was told what to do if this happened and just to pray it didn't. Obviously it didn't.
My consultant had surgeons, vascular proffessors, haematologists, all sorts look at it. They were fascinated as photographed it as it was extreme in nature.
The very nature of the condition though, is that within a week or so of giving birth, it disappears and you'd never really know it had been there. I was warned to not get pregnant again as it is certainty it would return. I have been an idiot. We realise that. We are just as angry at ourselves as you can imagine.
Please believe me, if this was not a factor, we would probably be going ahead.
It's not just about the room.

I wasnt laying the law down.

Its my opinion, the same as not having enough energy is a good enough reason for you twinkle.

I hope your counselling is helpful op. Its great that your husband is going also as either way you will need his support.

its a horrible situation to be in.

You sound like you have very good reasons to terminate, hard as it may be. Of course you wouldn't have intentionally gotten pregnant!! No one gets pregnant because they WANT a termination... it's something that is an option that can be necessary, though very very difficult when needed. You are taking all the right steps to figure this out for you and H, so don't let others influence you too much.

Hand-holding is more in order IMO. And and/or

Have had a long think overnight. Am certain I'm doing the right thing for my family. It still feels pretty crap. DH is scheduling a vasectomy ASAP he says. I agree with his decision 100%.

I'm glad you've both come to a decision, even if it was a no-win situation. I've been through it too and if you ever want to PM, please feel free.