23 Years On and still I care ....................wow!

[highhopes1]

I have raised my kids alone and they have turned out fantastic normal well balanced Adults for that i am eternally grateful, so how come after 23 years this feeling just creeps up on me when i am with one of my kids , remember their father and having intense feelings of longing for this man who abandoned us and was in general beastly to us .........

My kids now have contact with their father and i am happy for them, i am jsut confused to why i should feel like this now , or is it just and age thing?

For me, there's a lot of missing what we planned, the future we might have had and the possibilities we had rather than what we were. I feel acute loss right now and I can't imagine ever not missing him.

Thanks for the Tinsel I am sorry for your loss and sense of loss , suppose that is some of what i am feeling as m kids move out of the home and on with their own lifes , and yea today i actually felt like i have missed him for 23years I have never felt like that it felt so strange .

I think it's just part of your life, and your past - my ex was physically abusive and I still feel a wave of tenderness towards him at times.

You're just human, it's not an age thing. And an added factor is that he's the father of your children.

Maybe it's because you and he had talked about life after the children. Maybe it's just the lingering unfairness of a betrayel of your hopes and dreams? Your kids sound adorable. So sorry it still hurts.

Yes I agree Inane..................guess the past has a way of creeping up on one, it is jsut not like me i keep busy have a full life ............but like you said
and i do recognise that yea he is and always will be the Daddy!, aint no getting over that one , as one of my kids is his image and very like him in alot of ways , i will just need to get over myself and stop thinking about him , thanks for your kind words and thoughts .

We never talked about life after kids he left when they were babies, came back 22 years later and told me he regretted what he had done , did not make me feel any better jsut sad , he has remarried and she has 2 kids , he never adopted them but look to him as a Dad ............yea betrayal was a huge thing way back then , doe not matter now , whats done is done .

highhopes1 me and my husband went our separate ways nearly 37 years ago and I still think about him! There was no violence, nothing terrible and it was an amicable split. We were both changing and couldn't seem to resolve some issues we had, and we were bickering in front on the children.

Just when I thought we could maybe sort it out after 5 years had gone by, he suddenly met someone, remarried and had 2 more children.

I've seen him on a few occasions, had a couple of conversations and just come away feeling how easily we threw our marriage away. It's not worked out with anyone else for me, which is why I still have the feelings I suppose.

I don't think it's that easy not to love someone you fell in love with, I don't think it can die fully.

I am like you, raised my sons alone and they have turned out to be well balanced, decent, hard working individuals, happily married and with children. I am so proud of them....and yes at times they look like their dad and I have a moment. Just sad.

cafesociety, thats an interesting and familar story , but in my case the split was down to my exs infidelty with his Best friends wife whom he is still married to , i have not see her for 23 years and no desire to, yea guess one always has feelings especially when it is the father of your kids , He did try to come back 2 years ago ............I found it very confusing to say the least and could not cope after such along time apart with no contact .......but i knew it it was wrong and told him so , we seemed to have got over the hump thankgoodness for my daughter .That is what is so strange I thought i coped really well with the situation and my friends and family were a terrific support. I do not have a partner ......I did 5 years ago he died and do not seek out anyone else maybe thats why such stirrings are happening now , dont know, but thanks for your story and yea it is just plain sad the wasted years and the pain we caused each other .

Such a lot has happened! I'm so sorry about your partner. Also your ex tried to get back together only 2 years ago...?

It's a lot in a relatively short space of time. It's natural to have pangs from time to time though. Is this all it is or do you feel it is more? Have you had any other changes recently which might make you think of the past more?

Yea I guess alot has happened , my life is certainly never dull, maybe my last child moving out 11 months ago has certainly amde me feel where has all the years gone ...........and that i am still on my own , just did not think i would be at this time in my life ..........but not one to mop about it , life is for living is my motto and i intend to , many thanks for your kind consideration it has helped me to think clearly and really i think it is pangs of what could have been nothing more .

I'm sure that was confusing for you highhope1, sounds like he had also been struggling with his feelings and was somewhat confused too. Amazing how many years can go by and yet the memories stay. Sorry you lost your partner too.

I may not be feeling so well disposed towards my exH if there had been an OW involved when we split. We were just too young to know how to get help, how to put things right, we had no one to turn to and he refused to discuss our business with anyone else. We thought going our separate ways was inevitable, now of course I know different.

To make myself feel better I say that if the whole experience helped my sons both have strong, loving marriages and appreciate their wives/families/children, then something very good has developed from my loss.

Yes I think he well i know he was struggling with his feeling 2 years ago , i was shocked to say the least , anyway thanks for your kinds words yea losing my partner was another shock as it was a Heart attack so not expected, life can be bumpy, but i like to think i am a glass half full person and always see the positive side , glad your family is doing well so is mine truth be told i have achieved alot , and yes only good has come from all the experiences life can throw at us , and i am not done yet as my Mother of 86 tells me! , she is amazing and a comfort and has raised 6 kids so we as a family are pretty grounded where would we all be without family ?again many thanks for listening and supporting me tonight i really do appreciate it , as i do not talk to anyone about this anymore , tend to listen others problems and not dwell on anything .