How do I make this better?

[YesAnastasia]

I had (minor) surgery yesterday and I'm ok but very sore & have to keep lying down after any exertion.

I'm a SAHM and admittedly, because it's just me & DC most of the time, I am a bit controlling but AIBU to expect 'D'H to do things I would be doing if I was able?

He wouldn't get the DC dressed, wouldn't go to the chemist for verucca cream for DC1, wouldn't listen when I asked him not to put DS2 in the shower with his top on, hasn't tidied or made DC lunch (I did it) and he keeps telling me to go to bed (I should be keeping mobile a little bit and surely it's up to me when I do it). He took my phone so I couldn't call DM. Has been moaning that my DF is coming to see me at tea time & will stay to eat.

This is like torture, I can hear meltdowns (DS1 has SEN) and crashes, bangs and all sorts downstairs and it's driving me crazy. We're not getting on well at all atm anyway but I can't stand this.

Maybe you do like to say how kids/ housework should be done. If it were just that, YWBU. Putting a clothed child in the shower is a bit more than just a different method of parenting, though. I don't see how you could not comment about that.
But what's screaming at me is the controlling behaviour by your husband ie. taking your phone, isolating you from friends and family. Even if you did want your mum over and he didn't, it's not normal behaviour to take your phone to prevent you from calling her.
Is he deliberately not feeding the DC and making a bad job of looking after them? Is he enjoying this?

No, I think he's very lazy & a bit pissed off that he has to do these things. If he has to do anything, he likes to be a victim about it. He likes to be a victim a lot, tries to make it seem like I'm in the wrong all the time. ALL the time. I don't understand that. I'd hate to be seen as a victim, even now I'm unwell but I'm a grin and bear it (or hide away) kind of person.

It's so much about blame with him too. Who's in the wrong? No matter the issue, who's in the wrong. I don't care, I just want things to be sorted but I get drawn in and he makes me insane.

There are other control issues though. He knows he can be financially abusive and actually asked me to find out how he can stop that. I don't think there's anywhere that tells you how to stop outside of counselling which he won't consider until I'm at the front door with my suitcase.