Friend is vulnerable and travelling...how can I help?

[clareabouts]

A good friend of mine is travelling in South America with her partner, with whom she's always had a volatile relationship. I've just sent her a Facebook message asking how things are going, and she replied and said she's had to go to hospital and have stitches because he punched her and broke her nose. I've told her to get out, but she says it's not all his fault and he feels terrible about it, and that she has nowhere to go. I've offered her money for a flight home, or just to somewhere else, but she says that'll only "make things worse". I'm worried for her mental and physical health but I don't know what I can do. Any ideas?

Of course not. And besides, even if an entire SWAT team was waiting for him at Heathrow, the friend who doesn't want him in a Thai jail probably won't want him in British jail either. However much he should be there.

Sadly all ideas are an exercise in futility until the victim here decides they have had enough.

OP - how much spare cash do you have? Can you afford to go out to see her?

She may simply believe, as some women do, that being with him is better than being on her own or be so afraid that she cannot make a move to escape.

Until she realises that being holed up in a hotel room hiding the injuries inflicted by violence, afraid of what he will do next, is no way to live and begins to work out her escape, no-one can do anything but sympathise.

Hope she takes up your offer of £ for a flight home.

I highly doubt there's a Women's Aid in Thailand, tho I could be wrong. There is one in Malaysia.

I agree that if she doesn't want to seek help there's not much you can do.

BUT I would email the British embassy in Bangkok

Email
[email protected]

and ask them specifically what they could do to help her, if she approaches them (you said she won't because she doesn't think they will help, but embassies are supposed to help victims of crime abroad). Then forward to her what they say so that at least she has that information, if she has a moment of clarity where she decides to get help.

Post in Living Overseas topic too, I think there are a few MNers in Thailand. Put 'Thailand' in the title.

As Biscuit says, post in Living Overseas and see if anyone in Thailand might help somehow if your friend could be put in touch. (7 hours ahead there)

Thanks; some really good advice here. She hasn't been back online today - hoping she's just resting. I could probably get a plane ticket on a credit card (v little spare cash at the mo) but I think she won't tell me where she is if I say I'm going to do that. And I don't even know if it would help - I've tried to persuade her to leave in the past but she won't. It's unlikely to be different this time, with no support network around to fall back on.

I really appreciate everyone's help, thank you.

Definitely don't spend any money. How long has she been with this person and how many panicky phone-calls/IM sessions have you had in that time?

They've been together about eighteen months. This is the first panicky conversation we've had; in the past it's been conversations over dinner or drinks, where she tells me what he's like (he hadn't, as far as I know, been violent before this trip) and I try to give constructive advice.

I'm just going to check in on FB as often as I can, and pass on the info I get from the links mentioned above. Oh, and I'll go and start that thread in Living Overseas, thanks again for the tip.

Hi clareabouts - sent you a PM with a couple of ideas, good luck .

Thank you

Quick update...she has LTB! Snuck out of the hotel while he was sleeping a few days ago; no contact since. Now I'm just hoping she manages to stay away and that he has the sense not to try to follow her. I don't know whether they'll stay permanently split up but this is an encouraging start. Thanks again for the advice here.