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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend wants to leave but needs leglal advice

8 replies

Jezabelle · 17/01/2014 22:24

I've known for a long time that my friend is unhappy in her relationship, but last night she told me that she really wants to end her marriage. Says she doesn't even like her H anymore, let alone love him. She has three DCs, her oldest is 14 and youngest 5 and she hasn't worked since DD1 was born. She feels desperately trapped and told him to leave the other day. His response was that she would have to go as he paid for the house and the kids. She was in tears saying she didn't care where she went but couldn't bare to lose her children. They have a big house, lots of money etc. but it is all from his earnings. He slags her off in public saying she's fat/useless etc. I can see why she is so unhappy.

So, I said I'd try to find out where she could go from here. Thought I'd ask you guys!

OP posts:
iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 17/01/2014 22:48

Well, my Dh was the 'breadwinner' but before I asked him to leave, I got all the information together that I needed to do so.

She could claim JSA (not IS because her youngest is over 5) and look for a job, she will get HB, CTB, CTC/WFTC, CB, she will also get maintenance (she can calculate this on the Child Maintenance Options site). Also, she can go to her CAB, have a free hour with a solicitor and contact Rights of Women for free legal advice.

Once she knows what is what, she can make her plan. As for not working since she had the kids, has she considered retraining to do something else, something she wants to do for her? I am at Uni studying to do a job i've always wanted to do.

It is hard but rather than listen to him manipulate her, she needs to arm herself with the facts and look at this as a positive thing to make her life how she wants it to be.

HTH.

Jezabelle · 17/01/2014 22:56

Thanks! That's a really informative and positive message. I will go and Google all the acronyms now!

OP posts:
iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 17/01/2014 23:06

Sorry!

Job Seekers Allowance
Income Support
Housing Benefit (if she stays in the marital home, after a set number of weeks she can claim towards the interest on the mortgage)
Council Tax Benefit
Child tax Credits/ Working Families Tax Credit
Child Benefit
Citizens Advice Bureau

HTH

Jezabelle · 17/01/2014 23:18

Thank you so much!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/01/2014 23:28

As with a PP I'd suggest your friend has a look on the Law Society website and locates a solicitor in her area specialising in family law. Many offer a free initial consultation. There are various benefits available on top of any regular maintenance paid and she can get a very good idea about those via the benefits checker at www.turn2us.org.uk. If she fills out the questionnaire on the basis of being a single parent, she can run a 'what if'.

iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 17/01/2014 23:28

No worries, BTDT, glad to help!

caketinrosie · 17/01/2014 23:42

Op Tell your friend to get proper legal advice, it will be worth every penny and is likely to be free for her first visit. Unfortunately family law has been cut to the bone re legal aid, but the CAB are a good place to start. Under no circumstance leave the family home. I wish your friend the best of luck and a big hug. Sad Thanks

JsOtherHalf · 18/01/2014 14:24

Olgaga's excellent article on separating: surviveseparation.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/separation-and-divorce-advice-and-links.html

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