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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I really be going on a match night?

5 replies

EllieInTheRoom · 17/01/2014 20:38

My sister and my friend are going and when we were having wine last week it seemed like an excellent idea but in the cold light of day, I'm wondering if I should leave it a few months...?

Split with H in October. Bits of EA, porn addiction and no intimacy for a couple of years, plus general shitty behaviour. Last week, me, DS my Dsis and her DD moved into a big house and 2014 is shaping up to be a good one.

H wants to get back together. He has a lot of issues that he is working through in therapy. I have told him it is over for good but because I am weak and I find him hard to deal with have agreed that I will talk to him about us if he sorts out of his issues and demonstrates real change in six months. Which I can't see happening.

He asked if I am dating and I said no, not that it's any of his business, and he reminded me I am still married.

It's not that I want to jump into a relationship, it's just I've been so freaking lonely for so long now. Years really. I just really fancy a good old flirt and chatting, a bit of excitement. I've been chatted up a few recently and because of my situation and because it feels illegal I keep running for the hills.

Would you go? What if it gets back to him? Should I wait until I'm divorced do you think? I've no idea how long that is going to be before it even starts.

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 17/01/2014 20:40

I personally don't think you need to wait until you're divorced (good thing that seeing as I've been in a relationship for 21 months and not got divorced yet although it is moving along).

I think it's fine for you to go out - have some fun :)

magoria · 17/01/2014 20:45

Start the ball rolling on the divorce and then date/do what you want.

Shut down any conversation, email, text etc he starts on the subject.

The vows he made to love, cherish etc meant SFA when he was happy to EA you but now suddenly have meaning when he wants them too.

Sod that.

EllieInTheRoom · 17/01/2014 20:46

Thanks Miranda! I'm pleased that you are in a new relationship - comforting to know!

I keep getting way ahead of myself when I think about it. I mean what if I did get chatting to someone and liked them, they liked me, what next really...

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not so inlove with myself that I think I'll get chatted up wherever I go, but you know, just incase

It would serve me right if I was sat on my own in the corner now wouldn't it! Ha!

OP posts:
EllieInTheRoom · 17/01/2014 20:48

True mag true! Feels weird though

OP posts:
MadeMan · 17/01/2014 20:55

If your friend and sister are going then you could go along and just see what happens, although decisions made whilst tipsy do often require the cold light of day (as you say) to have a rethink.

Maybe leave it this time, but think about it seriously as a possibilty for the near future when you have thought about it a bit more.

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