Getting rid of the sentimental things when someone has betrayed you.

[KurriKurri]

Is it a good idea?

My STBXH ran off with another woman in October -we were married 31 years, Obviously a lot of stuff has accumulated over those years,but now that I am starting to move on I wonder if it would be cathartic to get rid ofthe sentimental stuff associated with him. Things I am thinking of getting rid of include:

A large collection of love letters he sent me (and the ones I sent back to him) before we were married.

Valentines/ birthday/ anniversary cards of an 'I love you' nature.

My wedding dress

All jewellery he has given me over the years (including an eternity ring,Oh the irony!!) as I don't feel I would get any pleasure from wearing any of it any more.

In some ways think it is sad and very 'final' but we are getting divorced - it doesn;t get much more final than that. But on the other hand I think it would might help me with moving on. I don't want, in years to come,to be sitting weeping over love letters Miss Haversham style.

Any opinions or comments gratefully received

In my view, anything that makes you feel unhappy, in any way, needs to be out of the door.
These are your belongings. Do whatever you want to do with them.

Here's to your future! ..

Just wanted to say hello Kurri .

Definitely get rid of the letters!

Hope you and the dc are plodding on ok.

My son was dumped by his fiancee last Christmas, and came to me during the summer with all the sentimental cards, collages of photos etc that she had sent him, should he get rid?
I asked him if she was to turn up on the doorstep that evening expressing her undying love and asking could they get back together....would he consider it? He said "No" as she had hurt him too much and he could never trust her again.
I said chuck it all out then!

When you consider it all logically it is just "stuff". We lost a lot of posessions including some sentimental things many years ago when our house flooded, I was upset at the time but at the end of the day it didn't really matter it was just "stuff"

Oh no I'm sorry I made you cry with this thread wellthatsdoneit - you have been through a very tough time, you are bound to feel emotional. It hurts so much when someone you have loved treats you badly. x

I am going to have a 'sell' box, a 'burn' box and an 'ask the kids what they think' box and get sorting this weekend. - I'll let you know how I get on. I do know that so far when I have taken positive steps and action it has made me feel stronger.

Onwards and upwards to all of us going through this

oldwoman - you are right, stuff is only stuff. If you have a loving relationship you don;t need it, and if your relationship has broken it can only make you sad. The question you asked your son - I have asked myself a few times - at first the answer was 'maybe, I don't know' now I am very clear in my mind that the answer is 'no not in a million years', and I think because I've reached that point, dejunking would be cathartic.

How about taking the jewels out of the jewellery and having them reset as something different?

KurriKurri I remember your story. My STBXH left last April and I sold my engagement ring last month as there was no way I would ever wear it again and it was a beautiful antique ring so there was no way I was going to 'tear' it apart to re-set it into something else I could wear.

The first person who offered me cash for the ring (at a jeweller's) I surprisingly couldn't let it go. I hung on to the ring for another week before I was able to sell it. The old dude I sold it too (he owned an antique jewellery shop) remarked that it was a beautiful engagement ring and told me the next time I needed an engagement ring, I should buy it from him as it's good luck. I told him I seriously doubt there will be a next time and he said to me, "Don't give up, there are lots of nice men out there." And I almost burst into tears there and then.

It felt right then to have sold the ring to him. No regrets since. Onwards and forwards. :)

Have you seen this? its the museum of broken relationships. people send stuff there. hope you okay.

brokenships.com/

I agree. Get rid. I thought that my ex dw and I had a nice time even though it really ran its course before she abruptly ended it. But she said such horrible things that I don't want any reminders. I don't have any photos for a whole decade. Good. The wedding was the biggest mistake of my life. Why would I want to be reminded of it. Ugh.

I did a combo of selling/donating/burning and keeping. In fact the only possession I have kept and will never get rid of is the beautiful antique bed ex bought us when we were still happy.

he took my wedding ring with him and I've never seen it since so I left it to him in my will

I am in two minds about photos - a lot of our wedding ones also have family members in them who are no longer with us, so I'd want to keep those. Not sure if I want to keep ones of just the two of us.

I thought I might sell my rings (wedding band, engagement, eternity and signet -all gifts from him) and buy myself a nice new ring to wear - I worn a ring for so long I sort of miss it!

Wonder if the museum of broken relationships would want my dress?

bouncyagain - its very hard when things turn nasty at the very end, -this has happened to me too,and it taints all the good memories - I feel as if I've had 30 years of my life stolen as all my memories seem somehow false now. I hope you have moved on and are enjoying life now