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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Total Worrywart...

4 replies

wyldchyld · 17/01/2014 00:52

I'm getting married in June and my fiancé is amazing. I really love him to bits and he's so kind. The problem is me!! We have very different ideas about cheating - for me, even a kiss would count as cheating and I'd be very upset, but he has said before that it wouldn't be a deal breaker for him if I slept with someone else - as long as he knew. Basically, we'd had a long chat about our limits when we got together and he agreed that because it meant so much to me that we were exclusive completely he'd be happy with those limits. (I know, he's a really nice guy! That's the worst bit haha)

But I still sort of worry that he'll cheat. He's naturally sort of flirty and unaware of other people flirting with him - he's polite and friendly, not overly sleazy or flirty to a point it annoys me. But he does sometimes drink to the point when he's drunk and I sometimes worry he'd do something then.

Likewise, his stag do worries me a little as his brother is sort of a bad influence and I can see him getting DFiance as drunk as possible and pushing him.

How do I stop myself worrying?! My heart and head trusts him, I just then get paranoid - oh yes, and before anyone asks, I have a big history of poor self esteem which he is helping with

OP posts:
Firekraken · 17/01/2014 01:19
Biscuit
onetiredmummy · 17/01/2014 11:59

The problem is not you having unreasonable standards of defining cheating. You don't. The problem is that you don't trust him.

A relationship cannot survive without trust. And it works both ways, its not all down to you.

Your fiance is the only one who will decide whether or not to be unfaithful, the brother may encourage it but only your F will be guilty of it.

Do you have reasons not to trust him or is it a gut feeling or instinct kind of a thing? Has he been unfaithful before? Was he seeing someone else when he met you?

Cabrinha · 17/01/2014 12:01

Do you realise that you're the one with the normal idea of what cheating is?

wyldchyld · 17/01/2014 15:32

I know I have a normal idea of cheating - that's not my concern. It's not a lack of trust exactly... I do trust him, I think the bigger problem is all of my exes have cheated on me in the past and because he's so laid back about it, I think it panicked me. We've been together 2 years and he's amazing and has never shown any interest in anyone else - despite two women very actively offering it on a plate which I knew about - and continues to reassure me he would never want to be with anyone else or hurt me.

This is all about my issues with being cheated on in the past. I do trust him - it's other people I don't trust, if that makes sense?? I know if he was going to cheat he would and I couldn't stop him and Sensible WyldChyld knows 100000% he never one - paranoid and slightly stressed WyldChyld reverts back to being 17 years old and cheated on as part of the ongoing "not worth it" feeling!

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