Keeping ex romantic partners as friends..

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Was discussing this tonight with an online male friend and he said he could not tolerate a potential girlfriend keeping ex romantic partners as friends and would be a deal breaker unless there were children involved.

I think for me I might feel uncomfortable about it at first but if there is trust no problem.

How do you feel about people keeping ex's as friends?

(online male friend is just a friend and nothing else)

I have no ex's as friends and none of my ex's had ex romantic partners as friends.

Please excuse my badly written post I'm very tired

Walkacrossthesand I agree with you re.people at times being dishonest about feelings. This kind of topic re. exes comes up quite often here, but rarely is it discussed that people can carry a torch for the ex even if they've moved onto a relationship - personally there is no way on this earth I believe all friendsips with exes are based strictly on platonic reasons.

Some want to remain in ex's life as they have a need to keep that link going. Can't bear not to see/talk to ex. That's not a platonic feeling, even if they can't/won't admit it.

Some just love being the spectre in exe's new relationship as either a massive ego stroke, or secretly unhappy about their 'place' being taken. Innocent & wide-eyed about it possibly not bring a good thing they won't just get lost and leave couple to relationship . & Should new partner not be happy with 'spectre ex' cosying up and remaining an oh so very good friend, possibly wanting to know every nuance of the relationship - then they use that old fallback that new partner is jealous. 1 explanation fits all. & some are good friends with ex but 'strangely', not with his partner; they're not interested in that as their interes and intentions aren't straightforward/honest.

The 1 good male friend I do have, I've known for 25 years. Strictly platonic. We've never dated. He's quite friendly with my OH, via me. It wouldn't be this way if he was an ex. There'd be something disrespectful in that, for me; showing OH I need a guy I'd been with before as a necessary friendship for me, to the point of being in our social circle. No thanks. I'm not interested in my exes, happy enough to say hi & have a brief chat if/when I come across them. That's all. Likewise with OH I never show bad face when I come across an ex of his, but I don't need his ex around us as a friend.If OH is chatty when they meet, I'm not bothered. A lover should be your friend also, so they say. If the love & friendship & caring was that brilliant - they wouldn't be an ex. Pretty much why I don't buy all the perfect explanations - the other implications/ possibilities are glossed over and I'm sceptical as to why

I'm another one of those who has no animosity towards my exes but don't see the point in staying friends with then. It's not worth the hassle (it's rare that there are no feelings left on either side) and I have enough friends as it is!

I wouldn't automatically veto my DP being friends with one of his exes but it would depend very much on the situation an the circumstances. I do think it's a situation that rarely works in the long run.

The one ex who did want to stay 'friends' with my current DP ended up sending him love letters and sexy texts, and calling him at all hours, so DP and I agreed that the 'friend' experiment really wasn't working in that case, and he cut off contact with her.

I think part of the problem is that too many people think the most important type of relationship is the romantic couple-relationship. It's actually the least important type. The more friends you have, the better life is (and it's no big deal if you've had sex with some of them, or still do sometimes): romantic partners are replaceable but good friends, less so.

I am good friends with 2 exes but they were never more than a fling in the first place so although we fancied each other at the time, for one or reason another we didn't end up having a proper relationship. We chatted online occasionally over the years & became friends. I went to one's wedding in November & his wife has become a great friend who I have spent time with on our own.

I think if I had been deeply involved with either of them it would be hard to see them in a new light or there would be residual hurt.

But seeing as it was only ever casual I honestly only see them as friends.

Mmmmm. I dont know. Im friends with a guy I dated for three months in 2012. We then had a short lived FWB episode last spring/summer until I met my boyfriend and he met his girlfriend. We text mainly, mostly as he's a single dad (who's now single again) and likes a womans prospective on stuff. Boyfriend knows, but not sure he's amazingly comfortable with it tbh. But im open with him. He's friends with his ex wife, even though they had no children etc, so I guess we both try to understand the other.

It is very rare that any split is a 50/50 decision where both agree on reasons for parting. I've found it's easier to meet up with an ex once both have moved on with other relationships, even if those relationships haven't worked out.

I think it can depend on where the ex is in their life. DH is really good friends with his ex. I'm fine with it but she is married with children and we all socialise together. DH and her DH are really close too.

I may feel different if she were single. I'd like to think I wouldn't but I'm not sure.

I have often said (and most of my XPs agree) that I am much nicer as a friend than as a romantic partner. I no longer engage in romantic relationships as I don't like them, so I generally get on fine with XPs' new partners as well. Unless the new partners are whiny monogamists obsessed with Keeping Their Man, in which case I distance myself.

I used to be very close with an ex I was engaged to, but we've drifted apart as his current partner isn't keen, which is fair enough. I have text contact every few months with another and regular texts and phone calls from a third. DH isn't keen any of them, particularly the third one, but trusts me. And I'm very careful never to give him any reason not to. My phone is open, he knows my passwords to everything and I tell him if I've spoken to any of them.

However, I'm a massive hypocrite as I'd hate it if he was friends with any of his ex's.

I am friends with exes. I'm seeing one of them next weekend. We're in our 40s now, we went out in our 20s.

When I was growing up, we met a former fiancee of my father's a couple of times, and my parents (mother too) always exchanged Christmas cards with her and she came to his funeral. So I suppose I grew up knowing that relationships can change, and friendship can accommodate that.

The one I'm seeing next weekend, I've met most of his girlfriends since (not the current one, mostly because of geography) - I got on very well with a couple, but one of them did have a big issue with us still being friends at first. As I can't even imagine sleeping with him again these days, I found that weird that she would be at all worried, because to me, it was obvious there was nothing to worry about.