I think it's all over ....

[Brokenpurpleheart]

Have posted before about DH telling me he no longer had feelings for me. We got through Christmas and had some great times, made some brilliant memories for DSs - we also had a couple of bad times when he got moody ( not in front of kids though)..

Had a great night out on Saturday, we seemed to be our old selves, banter and stuff with others. Thing is he comes out on Sunday that he could have had fun if I wasn't there and only realised I was involved when I pointed out specific examples. He has said this sort of thing before.

It is almost as if he is scared to admit he enjoys my company and has a wall down when it comes to me. He was told by the doctor back in November he had depression, but has refused to believe this and thinks he is just sad. He has an incredibly stressful job, is on high blood pressure tablets, has ended up in hospital a couple of times in the two years after collapsing ( stress related).

He is going to leave. Throw it all away. DS is a sensitive soul and it will destroy him. He won't get help for himself, won't go to counselling with me, won't talk. He had a bad day at work today and is now locked away in our room, music on and asleep. He is spending less and less time with DS.

What makes me saddest is the loss of my best friend as well as my husband. The loss of a life that our son (and until recently us) loved. House will have to be sold, can't afford to live in our lovely village, DS in year 5 so will mean he will not go to the good local high school, but a crappy one in a nearby town.

I love DH, but am starting to see a selfish man. Refusing help and fucking up our lives because " I just don't have any feelings, I don't feel like I want to care for you". I want it to be the depression, that dead inside feeling, but if he won't accept it what can I do?

There is no one else, before anyone says it!

So "he hardly gets in touch with his DS" - again, classic depression behaviour!

I said I have no experience but in hindsight I had a long period when I was depressed. I used to think I was abnormal because I didn't feel anything. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I could see other people having fun and crying and laughing and shouting, but I couldn't do any of these things. And I didn't understand why.

Can you leave leaflets on his side of the bed? Invent a 'friend' whose life changed significantly when they realised they had depression and got some treatment? Or go to the doctor yourself - and tell DH where you're going and why. Is there anyone else - a friend of DH - who could put some pressure on him about it?

He really needs to go to the doctor.

I would bear in mind that depressed and bereaved individuals are especially at risk of an affair, so I'm not quite understanding why there appears to be a suggestion that depression or any other factor rules this out.

However, you seem especially resistant to suggestions that this is a possibility OP, so I would advise you to accept what your husband is saying and accept he wants your relationship to end. I would not advise remaining in the same house. Too painful for you and likely to engender false hope. Also much greater risk of you not starting a new life and getting used to being single co-parents.

I have known depressed people like your husband want to return to a marriage after a break but unfortunately this is sometimes not because the depression was being treated and the person was feeling well again, but because the affair they were having had come to an end.

In a nutshell then, keep an open mind and don't close it to other possibilities even if you think it unlikely. Meanwhile try to take control of the situation now and assume the separation is permanent. Good luck.