Dh and I have got a lot of problems, we have done from the start really. I am sorry if this is long.
I don't really know where to start. Together just over three years and married for two, I have an older ds from a previous relationship. Dh is a few years younger than me, he's late 20s I am early 30s. I am pregnant with our first child together.
i'l try and keep it as short as possible. When I met him he was a mature student, i.e layabout, he didn't work even though he had lots of time to. He graduated shortly after we moved in together and got an office job as the degree he did was very general and in media, jobs are scant and most are work for free things. So that pissed him off and I know he resents me for it, even though he says he loves his job now.
Our sex life has always been crap. He used to watch a lot of porn from a very young age, which has given him totally unrealistic views on sex, i.e I would give him oral sex, nothing in return for me at all and he'd be asking if I'd enjoyed that. And that would be it for sex for the week.
At first I didn't speak up, I lost all my confidence in splitting from my previous husband, but I thought if I persevered and told/showed him what I liked things would slowly changed, but they haven't. I feel so unwanted and undesired.
He has only ever seen me naked a handful of times - he's just not interested. He never looks at my body, never touches me. I am not allowed to initiate sex, he says it put him under pressure. So we only have sex when he wants to, about every 10 days or so, and how he wants to, i.e it's all about him. When he does touch me, he does it so roughly, and looks bored - most of the time he's touching me he's looking at the TV. So sex is often very painful for me as there is little to no foreplay. I have sex with him as I am desperate for some kind of connection with him.
He makes me feel awful about myself, he criticises every thing I do and I have no self esteem. He loses his temper over the slightest thing and my stomach is constantly in knots wondering what the next thing will be, and trying to head things off, i.e the cats meowing too much at him, or getting up early to check the kitchen just incase the cats have been at a binbag or something.
Last night I finally broached the subject of sex with him. I said we need to sort this out before the baby arrives. I told him he has unrealistic views and he agreed , but got angry at me, said sex wasn't his interest and it was a chore to do it to keep me happy. Then he got angy at me and has ignored me. This morning he said he's angry at me. Thats all he said, he didn't utter a word.
He also does practically nothing around the house, despite saying he does. I am having a very uncomfotale and complicated pregnancy but I am doing everything. He says he works, so he shouldn't have to do anything in the house. Last night I got the classic 'I go to work all day while you just sit on your arse".
So now he's turned everything around again to make out like he is the injured party.
I don't know if I can take much more.
I can't leave - our names are both on the rental agreement until october. I went to the council yesterday and they told me I couldn't claim housing benefit while the property is still in both names. I called the agent who said they won't amend contracts and that the LLs insurance isn't covered for HB anyway so she would serve notice. It's nigh on impossible here to find anyone who will accept HB anyway, we were on partial HB a while back - to took us a year to find a LL who would take it. He wouldn't move out anyway as he pays the rent, he sees this as his house, not mine.
I don't want to disrupt my ds either and his dad is an arse, if I am not in a stable home, he will try and take him away.
I am so lonely and hurt. I have no one btw, no family and no friends at all, no one to help me or even to talk to.