How much should I let this annoy me?

[SaucyJack]

Had a row with my alcoholic, abusive, violent sperm donor "father" this evening as it became apparent from a facebook notification my DP received earlier that my father has been cyberstalking my DP's profile and sharing pictures of just DP and me together on his (my father's) own wall.

I knew nothing about this as am currently no-contact with my father as have him blocked on FB. He also isn't friends with my DP.

I texted my F and told him in no uncertain terms I did not appreciate the invasion of my privacy and to take the picture down immediately. His response was to tell me to fuck off.......... The picture is still up btw.

I'm not famed for my reasoned responses as far as my cunt of a dad is concerned, and my poor DP is looking a bit baffled at me stamping around swearing so I'm basically asking you lot whether I should try and let it go or is this one worth getting cross over?

TBH, I don't think it's worth losing sleep over it (or stamping, or swearing).
It sounds more pathetic than anything.

But certainly worth cutting him out of your life.

And make sure you are more careful with pictures you don't want people sharing.

I am sure you can restrict access to photos on Facebook in your privacy settings and you can also ask Facebook to take photos down; you report them and write in a reason why. You and your partner can block him too.

Why do you think your 'alcoholic, abusive, violent sperm donor "father"' is doing this?

Look, I know nothing of the history between the two of you... but perhaps somewhere deep inside of your "father" that is a lot of remorse and a lot of guilt about whatever has happened... and deep down there might be a lot of love and pride for you.

You know, ego is a terrible thing - we ALL suffer from it. Just as we all suffer from our circumstances, from what life throws at us and we ALL end up wearing multiple masks to the people around us, and to the outside world, to protect ourselves from hurt. Rejection is a terrible thing to deal with and, along with loneliness, I think they are two of the most damaging and difficult things for Human Beings to cope with.

Perhaps your "father" is simply proud of you having a guy in your life and wants to show everyone, via FB, how proud he truly is of you and how much he loves you?

It could be possible that he is unable to express such fondness to you in words in real life but, by sticking your photos up on his FB wall, he is saying "Look at my wonderful girl! Look how proud I am of her! Look how much I love her"?

As I say, I don't know what the relationship is between your "father" and you but I do know one thing - this man, for good or ill, is the only "father" you have. There are tens of millions of people who would perhaps even envy you having him.

Best of luck and happiness.

Your dh doesn't have his photos sets to friends only, this is how your father got them.

get your dh to change his settings, pronto & block your father.

but perhaps somewhere deep inside of your "father" that is a lot of remorse and a lot of guilt about whatever has happened.

That will be why he told her to fuck off then, yes?

There are tens of millions of people who would perhaps even envy you having him.

he is violent
he is abusive
an alcoholic

And the fact that op calls him a 'sperm donor' would suggest he isn't exactly present in her life much...

Yeah, I wish he was my dad!! [sarcasm]

We don't have to love our family no matter what, you know. If a friend treated like you that, you'd dump them.

If her dp was treating her like this (being violent & abusive), would you tell her that many women would envy her having him? I bet not.

Well my (much loved) dad died but no I don't envy anyone having a living father who is alcoholic, abusive and violent

Saucy I totally see why you're so pissed off about this, definitely get your DP to block him. But I do think you should let it go, only because really there's nothing else you can do

you have put your pics on the internet - anyone can use them now - you have effectively given up your right to ownership of the pics. if you dont want anyone to have access to your pics dont put them on the internet.

Bloody face book! Whilst I can see why people like it I can also see that in certain circumstances it's just not a good medium at all. Like for you OP. Isn't there a setting where you can only be 'seen' or whatever it is by people you allow?

It sounds more pathetic than anything.

Only re-reading it now. I meant on his part, not yours.

Your DP needs to tighten the privacy settings on his FB page.

You can't prevent your father pretending to play happy families for the viewing public, but with tighter FB settings, he will have to do that with just words rather than with pictures.

report the picture and block your dad on your blokes facebook.. and also ramp up his privacy settings to maximum.

this man, for good or ill, is the only "father" you have. There are tens of millions of people who would perhaps even envy you having him.

There speaks someone who's never had to watch blood dripping off their mother's face (!)......... I know I didn't go into that much detail, but when I said he was a violent alcoholic- I meant he was a violent alcoholic. It's completely inappropriate to do the whole "just be grateful he ever existed" routine on me.

They weren't particularly private photos btw- just me and DP looking "coupley" at a friend's wedding. They just feel a bit tainted now like he's tried to stamp his ownership over MY happy family- which knowing him is almost certainly the message he was trying to convey. He's got no right to show them off or to take pride in anything me or my brother have achieved as adults. He contributed nothing to our upbringing.

And yes, I know how the mechanics of Facebook work, thanks. But just because you can cyberstalk anyone and share their personal photos, doesn't make it OK. My DP will be blocking him as soon as I can see the photos have gone.

Pics are still up btw.........

Thanks for all your advice btw.