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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally lost

6 replies

hotwheelsmum · 14/01/2014 15:31

I have 2 DS aged 8 and 6 have been with DH for 10 years but certainly for the last 3 years we have lived under the same roof in a sexless marriage where argue non stop. I'm now reaching the point where I can't stick with it for the sake of the children as I am so unhappy. How bad is it to shatter the kids world and not live together as a family ?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/01/2014 15:34

No worse than forcing your kids to grow up in a hostile environment seeing/hearing Mum and Dad arguing non-stop. There's been a thread about warring parents recently and it can have lasting effects on children. Ironically, you may find you function better as a family under two roofs rather than one.

Jan45 · 14/01/2014 15:35

If you really want to think about the kid's sake then get out, they've had enough too I bet, non stop arguing is really damaging for them and they will probably adopt the same attitude in their relationships, do it now before there's any more damage. This is not a healthy environment for any of you.

Original poster

hotwheelsmum · 14/01/2014 15:44

Thanks for your replies I know you are right just wanted to hear it to appease my guilt ....,

OP posts:

Joysmum · 14/01/2014 16:02

Let me put it this way, many of my DD's friend's parents have split up over the years (she's 11) and this has not shattered the kid's world.

Yes, things have changed for them all and it will have been difficult but their lives have gone on.

Tuhlulah · 14/01/2014 22:34

Research suggests that children find bereavement easier to deal with than divorce, because there is finality in death. However, more research suggests that children are far better off with separated parents than living in a home with unhappy parents. The damage is the shouting and arguing, which really scares children more than actual violence.

So I guess the message from that is - if you can't kill him, at least leave him, for the children's sake!

tawse57 · 15/01/2014 00:34

Why is the marriage sexless? What do you argue about?

Don't mean to pry but are the two connected? Have you considered talking to a counsellor about these things? Have you considered a trial separation first rather than opting straight for the full divorce?

What I am trying to say that your choices are not just black and white. Yes, divorce might be the best thing for ALL of you but before you get there there are a few other things worth thinking about and trying.

I wish you all the best.

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