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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

dh says he wouldn't blame me if I wanted to leave him

9 replies

wannaBe1974 · 27/07/2006 17:24

some may recognize me from ttc threads so apologies for repetition.

we've been together for 11 years, married for 7, have ds 3.8 and been ttc for no 2 for nearly 16 months.

DH had a sperm test two weeks ago and has had a phone call and a letter from the surgery saying that he needs to see the gp to discuss the result. Obviously we're both thinking now that this means that the result isn't good and potentially might mean we won't be able to have another baby.

DH has been very down about this, I know he kind of takes it personally and sees it as his failing, and two nights ago he told me that although he knows I love him, he wouldn't blame me if this changed the way I feel about him and wanted to leave him to find someone who could give me a baby.

I've told him how much I love him, I wouldn't change what we have for the world, he's a great husband and a wonderful father and I really don't think I'd ever find another man like him. I've told him all this, but he's just so down on himself now and he feels as if he's failed me.

How else can I convince him that I wouldn't leave him even if I was offered a baby on a plate by another man?

In part I feel responsible as I've been going on about having another baby for the past 16 months and so he knows how much it means to me, but we already have one beautiful ds, although it'll be sad if we can't have another, it's certainly not the end of the world or the marriage.

OP posts:
Charlee · 27/07/2006 17:26

tell him its not just a baby you want its hisbaby

Maybe the g.p will beable to offer some treatment?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/07/2006 17:29

write him a poem or a romantic note
with all your feelings down in it

could you have a word with gp and tell them he may be suffering from a bit of depression
good luck
xxx

Charlee · 27/07/2006 17:29

Sorry that was very brief was just assisting DP bath DS.

I should imagne your DH is feeling pretty useles if he thinks that he will never give you another baby aswel as this hes feeling sad becasue he obviously wants a baby to.

I dont think theres alot you can say or do except keep reasuring him and just being there for him to listen to his worrys and fears.

SenoraPostrophe · 27/07/2006 17:30

ah. he sounds great. it might not be all bad news though. when is gp appt?

SenoraPostrophe · 27/07/2006 17:31

if it is bad - a weekend away? a card listing all of the reasons why families of 3 are great (rather than a poem - I know dh would respond to that more)?

wannaBe1974 · 27/07/2006 17:33

apt is Monday. I could write him a song and record it properly so he has it on his ipod.

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 27/07/2006 17:43

that'd be nice.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 17:45

Wait and see what happens on Monday.

He does sound quite low. Not surprising I suppose.

warthog · 27/07/2006 20:22

you don't know what it's about yet though. i'd not mention the baby for a while, and bang on about how fabulous he is instead. sounds like you've got a lovely man there!

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