Should I just stop talking to her? (Sent from AIBU)

[RalphLaurenLover]

I posted a while ago about how my mother had found some new bloke she will ditch me and my LO at the drop of a hat if he calls, demands I run her errands, says she'll see my LO then doesn't.

It's my sisters wedding next month from day 1 they've told me to be honest about being a bridesmaid and the dress, so I did saying it's her wedding I'm overall not bothered whether shes picked me or not, the dress on the other day is shit brown, I personally think it's hideous I'm half-caste and it blends in with me. They constantly make plans regarding this wedding then tell me days before I HAVE to be there whether I have plans or not.
Today I had to go try this dress on, they bitched at me because I hadn't got a bra to wear because they didn't tell me. Then they moaned and bitched because I didn't like it. Which they've known from day 1!

On the way up my mum is texting and driving because her boyfriend text and she has to answer ASAP obviously, she then spills her tea all over her lap because she's trying to drive, drink and text whilst flying down the motorway!

Pissed off was an understatement. She then decides she has to go in this shop that she knows we can't get my LO's pram in, he's already annoyed because he's been sat in this pram for 30 minutes whilst she fanny's about looking at shoes in the wedding dress shop so I couldn't let DC out.
She left us out there for over 30 minutes in the cold, he was crying and freezing so I took him into a shop to get us both warm and she bitches about me for walking off despite the fact she could see my DC crying from inside there shop.

On the way home she continues to text and drive to the point a car is indicating to come in her lane and she's fucking oblivious. She then turns round to me, blames me and pulls in to finish her text. She tells me that I need to "fucking sort it out" I need to understand that she doesn't have to see my DC or look after him despite begging me to let her. (I brought her up on the fact the one time I asked her to look after my DC she said no because she MIGHT be seeing her boyfriend in 3 days time despite the fact she hadn't made them plans yet) she then proceeds to tell me how I'm a shit mum, I have no family and I have no friends. I don't take care of my DC well enough and I'm not responsible at all and I shouldn't speak to her again. We say nothing to each other on the way home and I take my LO out the car backwards in the rain because she refuses to get out so I can get him I say bye to my sister and she turns round to her and goes "don't you love the ignoramus" she then chucks my house keys at me and demands her keys back so I give it to her. We haven't spoken since.

AIBU to just not to bother anymore. She says she'll see me DC but she won't before 6 because she's at work (she's home before then) knowing my DC goes to bed at 6 she is to busy to see him Monday, Wednesday and Thursday because she goes to the gym and the other days she sees her boyfriend.

She told me I wouldn't be content till I ripped this family apart and I need to get a life. and that she will pick my dc up at the weekend and take him out at the weekend but she doesn't want to see me. She's gone from seeing us 3+ a week to once if I ask her

She has told me before she will take me to court to see my DC

I'm just fucking fed up with her atm

She will end up killing someone if she continues texting and being on her phone whilst driving. You and your kids are in the car too?

UANBU to get her out of your life.

I would not be allowing her anywhere near my child, never mind me!

Get through your sisters wedding and then cut her off totally. You AND your child, dont let her blackmail you with threats of court etc. That costs and absolute fortune, and unless she can prove a good, healthy and consistent relationship with the DC, she will lose.

Ditch them. In fact, why not ditch them now? Why on earth should they be able to treat you and your child like that?

Oh, and she will never win a court case. She's only threatening that because she knows she is on thin ice and is trying to manipulate you. But she would never win.

I would not want my dc in a car with a person who texts/drinks while driving.

If a friend was treating you like this, would you put up with it?

Your mother is at heart a supremely selfish woman who would always put hew newest and latest man before you and your child.

Why do you maintain contact at all; you need to look at your own reasons for this. She was and remains a poor mother to you and is a poor example of a grandparent to your child. Such inherently selfish people do not change and infact their behaviours worsen over time because they know that you will keep going back for more (this is because you perhaps hope still that she will change and be a better person. That never happens I am sorry to say). And never get in a car with her again either!.

What do you get out of a relationship with her; your child is better off with no grandparents at all than a poor example of one like your mother in his life. Cutting her out is indeed an option worth serious consideration here; you get nothing nice from this relationship anyway.

Her comments towards you are all projection on her part really and should be ignored as well.

BTW grandparents have no automatic rights in the UK to see their grandchildren so ignore such emotional blackmail from her.

I would also suggest you look at and post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages as well as reading "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward.

Take her advice, you do need to get a life - far away from her.

Some people hit the jackpot of life when they are born and automatically get loving nurturing families. Others don't. The sad thing is you don't get to choose so it is a lottery. Your DS is one of the lucky ones with you as his mum. You're not an unfit mother. Don't worry about granny getting her way about seeing him, he's not a toy to be squabbled over.

PS If she carries on texting while driving she won't be around long enough to harass you, my concern is what danger she poses to other road users.

OP, could you start to set some limits here? For example - refuse to enter any arrangement that involves your mum giving you a lift. Texting, drinking hot drinks, while driving - madness, dangerous and you/your DS do not want to be in the car with her while she does it. Take her at her word - she's thrown your keys back to you and demanded hers back - fine. Take it at face value, don't make arrange mrs that depend on her, child care etc - it was what she wanted after all. What's your relationship like with your sister - do you want to be her bridesmaid or are you doing it because you were told you had to by her & your mum - does Dsis treat you badly as well?

PS (arrangements not arrange mrs of course!) don't just be fed up with her 'atm' - stay fed up with her for good, look back at the history of bad treatment, realise it isn't going to change, and decide enough is enough. You won't change her, so only you can change anything, and there's only one change you can make - refuse to put up with it, and distance yourself.

I'd stay away as it doesn't seem healthy for any of you, whatever the cause.
If you do want to see them then I think you need to be very clear about your issues and pick your battles, to save yourself going insane with it. Some of the points that have annoyed you are small and avoidable (if you put in boundaries). Individually each example will make you sound petty but I completely understand it's an accumulative thing with toxic parents.
It just shows though that you are viewing all of their actions negatively because you feel hurt and aggrieved. To me, there seems no point in trying to move forward with them.
It's up to you if they see your child. If you think your child would benefit from seeing them then it may be worth attempting but it sounds like they don't actually have the child's interests at heart and it would just be to get at you. I wouldn't worry about the threat of court though, it's very unlikely they will bother to see that through and even more unlikely they will get anywhere with it anyway.