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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I act normal?

6 replies

Friendsupport · 13/01/2014 14:41

My friend confided in me that she found out her Dh had a one night stand. I didn't panic and tell her to throw him out, rather talked about what things were not right in their marriage and how this could be the wake up call they needed. She was also going through a miscarriage at the time.
I suggested that once the shock and anger had worn off, if she wanted to still be married to him, she needed to work out herself what needed to be changed & then talk to him about it.
None of this happened. She has buried her head in the sand. And now she is pregnant. None of our friends know about his cheating and she has clearly brushed it under the carpet.
I am still in shock that she has been so accepting and is clearly sleeping with him again. I am trying to be happy for her but I am so mad at her. She has left him off scot free and he has suffered no consequences to his actions.
I meanwhile am expected to act normal - I have only seen him once and I tried for her sake to act normal but that was when I thought they were both comitted to repairing there marriage.
I know this is none of my business, I know it doesn't directly affect me. It doesn't stop me wanting the very best for my friend though and feeling very disheartened that she is settling for this.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 13/01/2014 14:45

I totally feel your pain on this but there is nothing you can do. It's her choice and if you try to hassle her about it she will go on the defensive and you'll be the bad guy.

Just be there if and when she needs to talk. It's all you can do.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 14:55

There is nothing you can do but you're not obliged to act normally either. Suggest you give the dysfunctional pair a nice wide berth and, if she ever tries dumping on you again about personal problems, tell her you are really not interested.

MorrisZapp · 13/01/2014 15:06

I dunno. Part of the unwritten rules between me and my closest friend is that we can offload what we want, without obligation or judgement.

I know all about my friends dubious route to marriage. But I smiled and clapped at her wedding as the happy couple publically rewrote history. It's expected, I think. And it goes both ways.

I once came v close to cheating, my friend was kind and supportive despite being fond of my DP. I'm glad I have that one friend I can be totally honest with.

appletarts · 13/01/2014 15:08

Say what you feel?

YuffietheNinja · 13/01/2014 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NanaNina · 13/01/2014 17:26

We all deal with stress in different ways. You can't make someone deal with things in the way that you would do. You are right it is none of your business and you say you really want what is best for your friend, so maybe that means you let her deal with things in her own way.

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