Hi all, I'm a long time lurker needing some rational advise/opinions.
A bit of background;
I split with my husband nearly 3 years ago (we were on off 18 months prior to final split), we had a very emotional and mental abusive relationship for 7 years, which then turned phyiscal this being the last straw and me leaving with our then 2 year old DS. My exh was/is a alcholic in denial, who I believe still thinks he can have control over me.
Fast forward to now - I met my current DP not long after I split with exh who adores me and my DS taking him on as his own, my son chose to call my partner dad, we (me and DP) would correct him but as time as gone on thought that my son will call DP what ever he feels comfortable with. My exh moved back to his home county in Northern Ireland, I helped him get a flat and kept him in regular contact with our son, even to the point where me and DP were paying for flights for DS to see him!!!
Physical contact stopped February last year (the last flights I paid for) on this last visit my DS said he didnt want to see his Father as he shouted all the time - I approached exh about this but he is a compulsive liar and denied all knowledge (I saw through him a long time ago) - I just want to add all through this time I encouraged (even to the point of punishment (no T.V etc) if he did'nt) my son to speak to his dad to build a relationship as I feel it is important he remains contact - however threats and abusive phonecalls to me have still been happening the latest being yesterday evening!!!
My son is very volatile and increasingly insecure, which is quite understandable considering one minute Daddy is there the next his gone! Our mutual friend (exh and I) thought it would be a great idea to pay for Exh to come over and see his son, without discussing this with me first, over the Xmas period. As you can imagine I was not happy with this and as my DS is settled I did'nt want him to feel he had to see him - in my sons words 'I don't know what my father looks like'. Anyway I said he could spend a few hours with him on the days he was here (reluctantly) and IF my DS wanted to spend the evening at his 'uncles' house with exh it was his choice - luckily enough my ds wanted to come home.
I told my exh this is his last chance, no more abuse, threats and to ensure he is over every 8 weeks to see our DS - if he does not stick to this then contact stops. Last night exh phoned my DS on his mobile (I bought a top up crappy one for his calls), my DS mentioned something about him and his Daddy (being my DP) to which exh was shouting and upsetting son - son gave me the phone as he was upset so I spoke to him explained that DS will call DP whatever he chooses too and more to the point he is more of a Dad than he will ever be (exh has not provided financially, emotionally etc towards DS) - I told exh enough is enough, contact is stopped DS phone will no longer be reachable and my phone number changed, I recently moved and have not given my address to him (he does still have my parents address) to take me to court if he wishes to see DS, after this call threats of killing me again and abuse towards my family were texted to me which I ignored.
There is soooo much more that has gone on over the past couple of years, as this is a long post I will answer anything needing answering!! my real question is do you think I have done the right thing? (If when my DS is old enough and he wants contact I would not stop it but feel at 5 years old I have to do what is best for my child, my DS continues to tell me he does'nt want to see or speak to exh that his a nasty man) - In my mind I know he is trying to scare me and still have that element of control (also to add me and DP are expecting our first child together) - I have not reported this to the police as I feel it is probably a waste of their time.
I'm fearful he will try and get access but am pretty sure he would'nt be able to, but as with anything you never know.
Just to add Exh was recently in court for threatning to kill and assault to his exgf - he managed to get off with a suspended sentance!!!