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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex therapy?

6 replies

wishIwasonaBeach · 13/01/2014 09:01

Please don't be too hard on me. I'm sitting at work and I've already been crying this morning.

Brief history: been with bf 3.5 years. Overall good relationship. Ups and downs as most relationships do but mostly ok.

There had always been an issue with porn. He looks at it a lot - IMO it affects our sex life. But after crisis talks this time last yr - he said he'd limit it to when I was not home and he'd make an effort to have sex with me.

That was a yr ago - sex is roughly weekly and I'm far as I'm aware the porn is limited to me being out the house. He has messed up a few times - (he's looked on his phone) but we've dealt with it and moved on.

The two things that are going on this morning are this:- we had sex last night he looked at porn beforehand - and when we do do it the sex is boring - like he's doing me a favour.

It's evident to me he has a problem with porn but he would admit it - if he did I feel like we could move on and tackle the issue but I fear that isn't going to happen. I think I'm worth more I'm relatively young 26 he's 30 - mortgage together but no dc's.

I don't know what I want just people who have been there to there me on? x

[should have said above this morning I have approached a sex therapist for us, as a couple].

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 09:09

If he doesn't even admit he has a problem and you aren't important enough to him to change his behaviour then there's no point tracking down therapists for him. The technical term for someone like this is 'a crap boyfriend'

This is not an 'up and down', I'm afraid, it's a train-smash. You're young, not tied to him and yes of course you're worth more than some idiot that puts you second place for any reason at all. Suggest you start looking into getting your money out of the property you own together, gather up your self-respect and move on with your life. He's got his porn to keep him warm at night.

wishIwasonaBeach · 13/01/2014 09:15

Yeah. I think you're right. It's hurts when you really love someone. I hate him but I love him.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 09:22

Pity he doesn't love you really.

Holdyourhobbyhorses · 13/01/2014 09:24

As with any addiction, you can't make someone realise they have a problem- they have to take responsibility for it themselves.

By trying to 'fix' him you run the risk of him only getting help to please you rather than addressing it because he actually realises the problems it is causing in your relationship.

You deserve to have sex that feels amazing- why settle for less?

Parsley1234 · 13/01/2014 13:30

Have been there and stayed had sex therapy me alone him alone both together it helped immesureably. Made me stronger and made me able to deal with the porn and partner also sex addict. What I Wd say is it was really hard but relationship is stronger now but not easy and make sure you get a grt therapist you can pm me if you want xxx

AnyFucker · 13/01/2014 13:32

I think you should move on

If you eventually want to settle down and have children, this isn't the man for that. He is a defective one. Throw him back where you found him.

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