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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After the affair

4 replies

Angela3350 · 13/01/2014 07:44

Ok so I posted on here a while back and it helped so much. So here goes. My husband was txting another woman while I was getting treatment for breast cancer after it all finished he met her in pub and ended up having sex with her. I remember the night he came back looking guilty etc but thought nothing of it. So he ended up meeting her again I found a twitter pm and it all came out. He claims he was finishing it when I found the msg (they all do) ive asked him often to try to catch him out and he's consistent. He's doing all the right things giving me passwords phoning txting so I know where he is. As soon as I found out I threw him out. I believe he wants me back. He could just have went to her but he didn't. He said he wasn't handling the cancer as well as he thought and when she txt him he felt normal then flattered and young. She called him sexy etc. I'm paranoid as he'll and don't know if I can move on from this I just keep thinking about them together. Oh and six months before my diagnosis he was txting her and admitted he was attracted to her. Can we ever recover from this we both want to but it so hard.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 08:01

Trust, once broken, is almost impossible to fix. They can make all the right noises, do all the right things, and you can want it to be right again with your whole heart but you will catch yourself, in quiet moments, studying their face and wondering..... 'is he still lying to me?' 'what did they do together?' Any initial relief you might feel at getting back together is easily replaced with disgust, mistrust and resentment. It's a case of being careful what you wish for.

I'd suggest you go a strict no contact for a while. Stop letting him peddle his sob-stories and passwords. You don't think you can move on but I don't think you've given yourself a proper chance.

YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE · 13/01/2014 10:29

I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through.
I think once someone's head has been turned. things won't been the same again, they will compare us to the other woman and nothing will ever be right.
Don't take any more of his excuses, if you want it to work then as cogito says no contact with the woman this includes removing her from twitter Facebook deleting her number the works.
you sound like a strong lady and I hope things work out. x

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 10:34

Not no contact with the woman, no contact with the cheating husband! He's manipulating the situation at the moment

SchoolyardShizz · 13/01/2014 13:11

He should have been there more so when you were ill. I would say this relationship is over.

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