relationship feels dead in the water

[carlybrook12]

Hey, I'm new to mumsnet, i do occasionally come on here to read other posts etc but i have never posted myself until now. I need some advice regarding my relationship.

I've been with my partner for over 3 years, we moved in together 6 months ago, my son from a previous relationship lives with us full time, he has autism and can be a handful but my partners always treated him as his own.

Since moving in together my partner has became pretty intolerable. He's really moody, he doesn't lift a finger in the house, i do everything and feel like a skivvy. If my son jumps in our bed at 7.30am he hates it and expects me to remove him from the bedroom, where as to me, i just get up and start the day, not expect to lie there until whatever time i like, which is usually 10.30 in my partners case. I work part time 3pm - 6pm and he works full time, he says i should do everything because i have more time at home which i do agree with, but over Christmas he was off work for 3 weeks and he still never lifted a finger which really annoyed me.
When we moved in we agreed we would half all the bills, which we do, and i set up a direct debit to cover most bills, however i brought all the christmas presents over christmas having been told by my partner that he would give me half, which he still hasn't, i pay for the food shop every week and i never get the half back, yesterday we had a row in morrisons as i asked my partner to pay and he said 'i don't see why i should pay'. We went on a family swim today and there was an argument before going with my partner swearing and muttering under his breath as he wanted to stay in, lie on the sofa and watch football all day. Then a row when we got home over lost keys (which he lost) and he said to me 'why don't you f**k off back home.'
I didn't speak to him for 2 days this week as i was annoyed after finding some dodgy video's he had been watching on youtube (provocative girls etc, celebrities) which i found pretty disgusting, and they were the most peaceful row free 2 days i've had in a while!

Now the main problem i'm now facing is, i don't see this working out anymore, we just don't get on and i'd rather be alone then with him at this present moment. However, my son and I moved 15 miles away from our original home to live with him, and my son moved school which was a massive transition for him, and i absolutely refuse to move his schools again as it upset him enough last time, as you can imagine with an autistic child he really needs stability and routine. We have no family around here or nowhere to go so i don't know where we would live, and i know it will break my sons heart because he loves my partner.

Any advice would be gratefully received

Sounds like it has run it's course (and was pretty much a non-starter in the first place, tbh)

get rid and find someone else to be a better role model for your dc, this one is a bit shit

You tell him 'this isn't working out', call time and then shift heaven and earth to find a new place to live with your DS. If you have to move his school again, even though it's disruptive, you'll just have to go for it. Sounds like you've been lured in under false pretences and I'm very sorry he turned out to be a wanker.

What the ohters have stated. This was never really a goer of a relationship to start with and you have given up much at great cost to yourself and your child.

(BTW does your child have a Statement of Special Needs re his education?.)

It sounds like the man you've been with is at heart a cocklodger; he really just wanted someone to look after him and keep house. You've seen the real him now that you moved in.

He remains too a rubbish stepfather figure to your child. Yet another reason amongst many to leave this man behind and begin a new life for yourselves without him in it.

This obviously hasn't worked out for you and your partner sounds very unpleasant.

Could your son move back to his original school?

I feel for you - I experienced something similar several years ago he became a different person once we were living together - rather then aggressive as with your DP my exp began to treat me as though I was his mother and was always on the edge of telling him of (I never did!) and emotional withdrew from me almost immediately. It came as a total shock to me.

Do you think this is just the "settling in" process or do you feel that its something deeper?

Did he portray any of this abusive type of behaviour before you moved in together?

It sounds to me that this type of behaviour is in-grained, and that there were a few red flags before?

Where do you want to live? - back where you used to live or do you want to stay in the new area? - With the emphasis here on what YOU want rather then your son. Your son will adjust and it is better for him to have a happy emotionally balanced mum who can give him all the love and support he needs than a mum who is unhappy, drained and scared.

I know you said you didn't want to move your son to a different school again - but would he be able to make the transition back to his previous school? Could you ring them and see if they have a place?

Could you move back to the property to you used to live in?

Have you spoken to any one in rl about how you feel - when I did it I was amazed at the level of practical support if got.

Sorry, lots of questions!