Dating a friend's ex....

[AlwaysTomoro]

Ahh I've got a dilemma...
I have an old friend who I see maybe 2-3 times a year...said friend is married and expecting a baby...but about 7 yrs ago was involved with someone for a couple years semi-seriously. I mean, they lived together for a while, we were mid 20's then. She's since moved on and happy.
Her ex has recently been in touch with me and there is a mutual romantic interest between us...we are both early 30's and single.
I haven't mentioned it to my friend as we rarely see each other...but is this a definite no-go or a possibly?
I would never want to hurt anyone and realise I should talk to her, but also really like the guy....
Opinions please

She's married, settled, happy and this is all relatively ancient history with someone she was only semi-serious about. As a courtesy tell her you're seeing him. See if there are any closet-encased skeletons she needs to share. :)

Definitely talk to her about it.

As said, she's moved on. I'd give her a call though, it would be the polite thing to do and not let her hear secondhand. Oh and yes, definitely get a bit of info.

I would probably just ask her honestly if it would bother her

I would tell her. If she's married to somebody else and has children, then I think after 7 years, it's ok. But let her hear from you that's all.

When I read this thread I thought it would be somebody's xh,or the father of their children and either/both of those would be a much bigger no no in my book

What business is it of hers? You let her get involved in decision making about your life, you're letting her treat him, and to a lesser extent you, as property.

I think it's important to tell her so she doesn't find out from a friend or through Facebook, but I wouldn't think it would be an issue. They have no DC together and she is married with a family now.

Assumimg that they split fairly amicably, i.e. he wasn't horrible to her and there are hence no loyalty issues for you, I would say go for it.

Their relationship was a long time ago, she's moved on and settled. You and her ex are single. There is no rational reason why you shouldn't gonfor it.

There is a chance that she will feel a bit weird and awkward about it, even irrationally upset.
But why should you give up your happiness, which might even turn out to be a relationship to last for the rest of your life, just because your friend might get irrationally upset about it, while she herself is already happily settled in married family life?

If she is a friend worth having, she will be all right or at least come round after a while.

Thank you all for your quick replies.
I will tell her...I do agree with Kisses, people are not property although that's not to say I don't value her feelings.
What if she's really unhappy with the situation? Should I allow her feelings to override mine? We have a few mutual friends and I guess I'm worried about other peoples opinions too as it seems to be a general rule not to go near friends exes?

Twinkle twinkle I guess you just answered my questions in that X post!

If she's unhappy, that's NYP... You're telling her out of courtesy, not to ask her permission. Be clear on that.

You don't get dibs on someone you went out with 7 years ago.

Friends are easier to come by than life partners, IME.

That's not to say one should never take friend's feelings into consideration but if she objected to this then that would be her problem.

What sort of friend would stand in the way of an ex and a friend's happiness like that?

Cogito...thanks and noted!

BillyBanter...I keep wondering what if think if the situation were reversed and honestly, I think if just want her to be happy....I guess I'll find out! I am worried though...

Those 'if' are supposed to be 'I'd' !!

It's probably also worth asking her about why they broke up, whether there are any skeletons etc.

But if there were skeletons...they are 7 years old?!