Thinking if leaving DH and so confused

[Feathers1981]

I'm thinking of leaving DH but I'm so torn. My main concern is having less time with my 17 month old son. I have a professional job and took a new job at the end of my maternity leave to be closer to home as old job had long commute. Being new I had to accept it was 4.5 days. I miss him as it is and I'm so busy at work that I don't know if I'd be allowed to drop the other half day if it came to it.

My husband is a wonderful man and a great father but things between us are very strained.

We bicker constantly unless I consciously make an effort to let all the things that annoy me fly. They aren't serious things but he can be unhelpful and thoughtless about what needs doing round the house etc and he also just doesn't listen half the time when I'm explaining things that need to be done for our son etc. he leaves everything to me almost unless I nag which I hate and then half time wasn't listening anyway.

Main problem is our sexlife and if that was sorted I think everything else would work itself out. A few years ago he suffered for ages, to be frank, couldn't get it up. We went to counselling and over a year it took to sort out. I felt horrible as it was only me it happened with (by himself he'd be fine). Things been okish but wouldn't say we totally click in bed and he will only start things when lying in bed on a night when I'm just about to fall asleep. Despite me talking to him about it and me making lots of effort to be spontaneous etc. Now he's suffering premature ejaculation, for about a year. He'll satisfy me other ways but it's becoming such a turn off. I just wanted to have sex with him. Now I can barely have him touch me (although I go along with it). I get nothing from it and I don't want him to pleasure me any other way...just want it over.

He's very affectionate other ways, but sex is important to me. We've talked about things but nothing changes. I'm only 32. Apart from the sex we have been great together, share same values, interests etc and I know I can totally trust him.

I feel really lost and no idea how to get it back on track with him or how I'd cope seeing less of my son.

Been together 6 years, married 2.5

OP sorry it sounds like this has been a really tough time.

If you could both fix things would you rather stay than go or has it gone beyond that?
I would suggest relate unless you feel you have had enough counselling.
The lack of erection the PE thing sounds (to my untrained mind) as if he has some kind of issue with the rs that he is repressing? Could be anything though e.g. difference in earnings or guilt etc.?
Could be talking bollocks though but had heard PE can be a subconscious PA thing.

There was a
good suggestion on another thread about getting partners to pull their weight. it was from a blog. basically said don't give your partner tasks give them responsibilities. go through the list of everything EVERYTHING that needs doing bills decisions chores. divide them up and decide what constitutes a good enough job and then them to be entirely responsible for that area. e.g. if they shop they also meal plan and cook so the other party cannot be dragged into at all.

But...I think.your real issue is lack of intimacy has soured your feelings.

Have you told him how bad it has got?

Thanks for your response.

Your totally right; the lack of intimacy has soured my feelings. I'm finding if hard to make the effort to help/work everything else out. It's horrible that I don't want him touching me in that way and don't know how to get over it....I would like to though if I could. Maybe relate is a good idea. He'd do it if I asked.

You could be right about the subconscious thing. When we had counselling the first time about the lack of erection he did admit to feeling that I had a higher sex drive than him and so felt pressured, not vocally by me, but just that he thought he should have sex even tho he'd rather have it less than me. Although I still would prefer we were more intimate we had found a happy medium, I think. Not sure what caused the PE. We are very comfortable and (aside from this) everything going for us really. Not sure what he could be worried about and we've talked about it a lot so hoped he'd tell me but I should directly ask him and I will.

We've talked quite a bit lately and I've even told him if it wasn't for our son that I don't know if we'd still be together. He does know were in trouble, although he does find it difficult to talk about his feelings. He keeps asking me how I'm feeling etc. thing is there isn't anything he can do about the PE thing really and don't want to keep bringing it up or might make it even worse....

There are things you can do about PE. if you Google it or discuss it with a professional.

Cliche I know but have you also trid date nights?

Mostly I think you need counselling and communication though.

Yes we've been doing day nights. Go well until the end....

Think I've probably done all I can and your right maybe counsellor can help. Need to broach it with him

Thanx ??

Good luck. sounds like you have something worth working on.