What makes a good therapeutic relationship?

[Holdyourhobbyhorses]

Just wondering, for those of you who have had therapy / counselling, what made the relationship a good one for you?

What do you look for / avoid?

I've had a few sessions with someone and am trying to work out if I want to continue or try someone else

Are they warm, empathic, come across as genuine? Do you feel you can talk to them and trust them? They "get" you? They are not judgemental? Are they helping you to understand yourself better? Instilling hope that things can change? Providing a safe containing space to talk?

Is it NHS or private? If private you might want to try a couple of others and see whom you gel with best.

The quality of the therapeutic relationship is the single biggest predictor of therapeutic outcomes so it's worth getting it right.

lizzabadger covers most of it.

This would not suit everyone but I needed challenging in my therapy to make me face the pain and stuff I really didnt want to. Challegning hard, sometimes. It was very difficult to handle but in the long term it helped me a lot. But it is definitely not a good idea for many people I suspect.

Whether they are a specialist in relation to your particular issue may also be relevant.

I do think she covers most of the things on that list Lizza- but maybe I don't feel challenged. I think that's missing so far. Thank you

If you aren't happy with some thing with your therapist try telling them. There maybe reasons they are not challenging you yet.

I had one who was awful, didn't click with, was horrendous. I think you'd know if it really wasn't the one. Harder if they are okay for you but not fantastic?

Do they say things that make you think "yes how the hell did you know that/work that out?"

Could indicator IMHO.

Interesting point about feeling challenged - I've had counselling four times and have always found it very nice to be able to talk about things and it's felt helpful at the time, they are very impressed with me etc but it's never actually changed anything. So that could be why - I haven't particularly felt challenged by them.

The difference between sessions with a counsellor and a psychotherapist has been huge IME, the latter definitely challenges you the former just listens which isn't really that helpful tbh.

Yeah counsellor a rent there to challenge you.

I would encourage you to bring it up with your therapist OP, they will be grateful for the feedback.

Remember it takes to build a relationship and relax enough to dig around in the stuff you are sub consciously avoiding so sometimes wanting to move on can be an indicator of avoiding discussing that stuff.

It is rather complicated tbh!