Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

is it prostitution if you...

15 replies

amisuchabadmummy · 26/07/2006 21:51

...sleep with your ex to make him think you still care about him so that he'll give you some money to help with bringing up your child ?

He wouldn't give me a penny before and my child has been suffering because of it, but now but I feel awful.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/07/2006 21:58

Kinda. Have you gone through the standard channels of CSA etc?

moreteaanyone · 26/07/2006 22:10

can you talk to him about the situation?

Feistybird · 26/07/2006 22:19

You're not a bad mummy.

A bit desparate maybe.

It's not sustainable, so I guess you need to look at alternative ways of increasing your income. Have you explored all channels for benefits?

fattiemumma · 26/07/2006 22:26

only if a wife sleeping with her hubby in order to get a new Dress/kitchen/pair of shoes etc is as well.

its not a good situation for anyone and you shold look at alternatives but if thast what it takes then i for one will certainly not judge you for doing it.

Original poster

amisuchabadmummy · 27/07/2006 07:32

CSA can't touch him for various reasons. am receiving benefits but have large mortgage to fund which makes finances very difficult and won't get help with that for another 26 weeks.

can't talk to him, he's almost proud CSA can't do anything and thinks i'm lying about how much I have to survive on.

I agree with all your comments espec. sustainability. It hasn't done my self esteem any good but my little one will get some nice new shoes today. I just think how he'd feel about me when he grows up if he knew what I'd done.

OP posts:

trinityrhino · 27/07/2006 07:40

huge hugs to you, put it behind you and find new wqays to make him be responsible
don't do it again cause it will makr you feel like crap#I'm surprised that the csa can't touch him, are you very sure of this, try again, he needs to face up to his responsibilities

Original poster

amisuchabadmummy · 27/07/2006 11:42

definite re. the csa. he spends most of his time abroad and has very dodgy accountant so he declares virtually nothing in the UK in terms of income.

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 27/07/2006 12:08

No it's not prostitution unless you think it is.
by calling it prostitution you are making yourself feel worse about yourself.

we don't all have sex just out of love. sex is a currency in every day life whether we like to think of it like that or not. Which one of us can say we haven't 'done it' occasionally because we want to finish a row, give a nice birthday treat to a dh/, make a baby, because it helps us to sleep or because we are hoping for something in return like a bit of emotional closeness.

The problem is not the sex, it's how you feel about yourself and your x. And what lies you are having to tell him and how by taking this route you might be missing out on 'better' ways of solving the problem instead.

trinityrhino · 27/07/2006 12:10

he does EXIST though so CSA can tell him he has to pay something

twinsetandpearls · 27/07/2006 12:32

The CSA know my ex exists but have not got a penny out of them in two years!

Shimmy and the others are right it is not the sex that is the problem but your feelins about it. I woudl never sleep with my ex for anything mainly becuas ehe inspires feeling of self loathing in myself but I do offer dp bedtime treats if I have my eye set on something - but that is done with a sense of humour in a loving relationship.

Original poster

amisuchabadmummy · 27/07/2006 14:41

I've made some positive steps today to getting some freelance work. I will make sure my son gets what he needs one way or other but hopefully it'll be by my hard work rather than through that sort of sordid encounter.

The guilt was worth it to some degree though after seeing the look on my little boys face as he paraded around the shop in his groovy new trainers.

When I'm rich beyond belief with my own business I'll hopefully look back and laugh at how I'm feeling now ! And tell ex to stick his money where the sun doesn't shine !

OP posts:

jellyjelly · 27/07/2006 14:49

I want to win the lottery so i can tell x to shove it.

Original poster

amisuchabadmummy · 27/07/2006 16:48

That would be so fantastic wouldn't it? I've actually considered telling my ex that I have won the lottery just to p*ss him off !

OP posts:

HappyDaddy · 31/07/2006 14:24

Ahhh so it's pricks like him that make my CSA payments so high, is it? Tell him thanks a fucking lot.

On your other point, it's not prostitution per se but it can't be making you feel any better about the situation. Tell him you wont sleep with him with or without his money. If he acts like that he doesn't deserve to sleep with you.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 31/07/2006 14:34

you're not a bad mummy. he is a bad father who can't disconnect his relationship with you from his responsibility for his child. they are two seperate things and no matter what's going on with the former the latter remains. If you really can't go the CSA route is it possible there are legal alternatives? The CSA might be limited to UK-declared income but a court might not be - I have no idea - just speculating that a trip to the CAB or a soliciitor may well be worth your while. Alternatively is there any chance you could appeal directly to him - give him hard financial facts - your income and child-related outgoings. your self-esteem may well be bruised by this experience but pick yourself up and rise above it.

Flip