is it just me thinking too much?

[Gemziewooo]

The thing is, I'm around 11 weeks pregnant, iv already got two little girls aged 3 and 5. I'm so weak and sick all of the time, I have no energy and would love 5 mins peace lol. it's really hard having the girls run around wantin me to play, askin me to do thngs. Aswel as all the housework and jobs I need to do. However I just keep telling myself won't blong before I start and feel better again! But this isn't the reason I am writing, the father of children/my partner is really giving me a hard time, he thinks because he works mon-fri he shudnt hav to help me out or make things easier for me? If I ask him to run th bath for th kids I get nothing but a mouthful, he's always talking down to me, talking to me asif I'm stupid, calling me lazy and useless as it takes me longer to do household chores, if I tell the children to do something like get in the bath or get ready he's telling them the opposite so thy have no respect what I say or do, I spoke to my Gp as I'm at a all time low, they have referred me to a councillor, I have explained all this to my partner in the hope that he will back off abit going on at me, but he just comes out with 'and', and starts complaining about something els he's never interested in anything I have to say he always ignores me or starts going on about something els, I havnt got the energy to argue with him so I just let him get on with it, however it's been that bad I even thought of having an abortion and hate myself for even thinking this, and hate him for not supporting me! I really think it's time for me to leave him, however I did think it may just be thinkin about myself, maybe I am bein lazy, as normally I hav my house sparkling and am on top of all my jobs, i just don't know. I am so unhappy I cry all the time to myself, I feel like I am going through this pregnancy all on my own without any support from him, it's getting to the point where I don't love him, I have just had enough of him belittling me, but do I leave him and take kids or stay with him for the sake of the kids?

What an appalling man. I'm sorry you're so down and that you're being treated so unkindly. You shouldn't have to get justification from a doctor for a partner to 'back off'. A decent, loving man wouldn't be behaving this way in the first place. It can't be a recent change either. People don't switch personalities overnight. No advice on whether to leave or stay - although I really don't see anything to commend staying and I include your DDs who will be growing up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat women - but I strongly recommend you stand up to him and give him a hard time.

No you're not thinking too much. He's a bully.

If he was ill and weak and unable to work would you be criticising him and calling him names?

im so sorry that your husband is so clearly neglecting his duties, which is to be supportive to you when you are vulnerable, and in the process of creating his child.

it is entirely natural that you should feel run down, you have small children and are making another. the first trimester is hard. you will probably get more energy in the second. i am so sorry that you are so over whelmed that you are forced into thinking of abortion.

how involved are your families in your lives. get them over more. you need some witnesses into how you are treated. you mind the children 9-5, and he works 9-5. after 5 then you share the duties.

and thats that.

start building support from people around you. start telling friends, start telling your family. this is unacceptable and you dont have to be alone.

Thanks guys we went on holiday back in September with friends (they grew up with him) and they couldn't believe what he was really like! I have also found out that he tells his friends n family that it Is me! Luckily the friends who we went away with was with him on a night out while he was callin me n they stood up to him! They told everyone he was lyin n that it was him, they cudnt believe it, turns out for years he has been slaggin me off and I was none th wiser! I well and truly have had enough and can't take no more of this! I need to do what's best for me n the kids n get out of this! Thanks again for your msgs

Getting out sounds like a very sensible idea indeed. No-one deserves to live with a bully badmouthing them to friends and family behind their back. Strongly suggest you take some people into your confidence and taking legal advice about a permanent separation. This man is not going to make your life easy.

Abusers can be very plausible to those in the outside world and going on holiday with friends showed them what he is really like.

Make plans to separate, you do not want to teach your children that this abusive treatment of you at his hands is at all acceptable. Never stay either for the sake of the children, that teaches them that you only stayed because of them; a terrible burden to inflict on a child because the adults could not make the decision to leave.

Come over and take a look at the links on the EA Support thread You will find it very familiar and the ladies there are lovely and very gentle with those in your situation.

Thanks il have a look now. Thanks so much for every1s msgs thy mean alot!

Hello Gem,
Yes sadly you will be going through this pregnancy on your own, even if you stay you will be on your own..

It's always scary thinking about leaving. My first marriage was similar to yours and it took me years to leave.

Is your house in joint names? Is it HA?
Do you think he would leave. You could have a conversation along the lines of, this isn't working for you, he clearly doesn't want to be there, so maybe it's best all round if he goes.
If u asked him to leave do you think he'd go?

You could then get your rent sorted, tax credits, council tax etc.
if you have a mortgage it will be different so you'll need a solicitor. Many give a free half hour. Make sure you go armed with all your questions.

It's easy now I'm older and dare I day wiser. When I look back, well if I'm honest I wouldn't have even married him let alone anything else! But we make our decisions based on what we know now. When you first got with him I expect all was well, but gradually as your family grew and financial responsibilities grew instead of stepping up he just criticises you and acts like an overgrown kid.

Once you are on your own you will feel so much better as the pressure to be the perfect sahm will decrease. It will be you and your girls, playing, baking and reading together at night. And if the hoovering doesn't get done then so what! And if you want to go to bed when they do cos your knackered and eat you dinner up there too, then so what....

You're not weak but he is a lying bully. The only thing he isn't is a lying cheating bully. Or is that possible too? Part of the script, I've found, is always moaning about the state of the house..

Get out OP. Sorry if I've rambled on but I feel like I'm talking to you. There's a better way for you out there, grab it

Thank you so much for this, I have taken a lot of this into consideration and the idea of it being just me n my girls is great! And ofcourse bump. Thanks again xx

Sorry you're having such a bad time. You will defo find it easier on your own. Hope everything works out for you. You deserve a happier life. Good luck xx