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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

after some advice..

10 replies

Valiant1 · 11/01/2014 20:57

this is long sorry,
when I was two my mum tried to kill me, she crushed tablets in to my milk and put me to bed.
I was found by a neighbour, taken to hospital and stomach pumped. I was sent to live with my nan and mum to a hospital. All contact with me when stopped until I was seven, I was put in care when I was four/five and went through
to three different foster families and care homes until it came out my last foster family were abusing me, I was sent back to my nan house, when I was seven i was picked up from school by mum and told she had been given custody of me.
fast forward seven years mum is still mentaly abusive and I end up in care again but with contact on my terms. that was 12 years ago and am really struggling other half says I should have nothing do with her so do close friends I have spoken to, she is still unwell mentaly and can be quite nasty sometimes, I feel that everyone deserves a second chance and family should stick together you only get one mum etc but then feel I deserve better. my brother and sister both older were brought up by their dad and had lovely lives and only the last six years before in contact with my mum but the sun shines out their backside and can do on wrong. ever.. I am sick of fearing the phone ringing when I don't feel strong enough to listen to her having a go at me for not going down every day, God I'm so confused.

OP posts:
BrickorCleat · 11/01/2014 20:59

Is there a com

BrickorCleat · 11/01/2014 21:02

Sorry, fat fingers.

Is there a compelling reason why you should have any contact with your mother now?

It sounds like you need some space to sort out the awful things that have happened to you.

Perhaps your GP can put you in touch with someone you can talk to and start getting your head round your childhood and sort out what YOU want and need from this relationship.

The very best of luck to you.

Valiant1 · 11/01/2014 21:22

thank you she keeps saying how I should go for counciling but don't want it to be a help to her, it was her person she wanted me to see many maybe it would be a good thing. I look at my kids are much as they bug me and think how could she do that? The thought that my kids may not wake up tomorrow makes me feel sick. I don't know how to tell her I need space I'm to soft not to tell her I staying away.

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BrickorCleat · 11/01/2014 21:50

You sound as though you still want to please and obey her.

You do NOT have to do any such thing. You find a counsellor for you, nothing at all to do with her, don't even tell her, it's none of her business.

You have your own life now. You're a mother, you want to be a very different one to her.

So the only thing stopping you is fear.

So ask for help.

And stay away from your mother for the time being.

Valiant1 · 11/01/2014 22:43

thank you xx

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BrickorCleat · 11/01/2014 22:58

Really, you are the adult now with your own family. Do it your way.

Blondeorbrunette · 11/01/2014 23:09

Valiant, I'm sitting here in disgust at what your mother did when you were just two.

We touched briefly on your upbringing on my thread about calling social services for my young neighbour.

I think you seek your mothers love and that's probably why you want to give her a second chance.

What would you like to achieve by giving her another chance? Genuine question.

I think in order to deal with your mum you need to be strong and counselling will help you.

ThinkFirst · 12/01/2014 08:35

She's had numerous second chances over the years, starting when she regained custody of you when you were 7 and she's blew every one of them.

There comes a point when you have to cut toxic people out of your life, regardless of who they are, for your own safety/sanity.

Valiant1 · 12/01/2014 16:16

hi blonde xx Your post made me think and here I am Sad though I am grateful as I think it's the underlying problem to many others, how is the neighbour? any word?
In response I don't know, i think it's just having a mum!! I was with a family which I love to bits even now, but they were never my mum, and seeing what my brother and sister have now even though my mum throws money at them! that's not what I want! its seeing my closest friend with her mum and I am jealous!!Sad thats awful I know I have started writing things down today, reading through it is messed up

OP posts:
Valiant1 · 12/01/2014 16:17

thank you think xx I know it's time for change xx

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